Nemonte Nenquimo's Memoir We Will be Jaguars

 

A kindle read from the library.

Nemonte is a Waorani woman. See bio below from:   Amazon Frontlines

"Nemonte Nenquimo is a Waorani woman, mother, and climate leader, who has dedicated her life to the defense of Indigenous ancestral territory and cultural survival in the Amazon rainforest. She is the co-founder of Ceibo Alliance and Amazon Frontlines, and has won the prestigious Goldman Environmental Prize."

When I was a kid growing up in an enclave of evangelicalism, some of our heroes were Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. Jim Elliot and Nate Saint were killed in an attempt to evangelize indigenous people in Ecuador (the Waorani people then known as "Auca.")  Elisabeth Elliot and Nate Saint's sister Rachel (featured in this memoir) returned to the area to try to establish influence with the Waorani. 

Although I believe that the evangelizers were trying their best to follow an ideology that they had persuaded themselves to believe and were themselves a victim of (I understand I was there), it's heartbreaking to read firsthand about how such doctrines negatively impacted others and how the Waorani people were abused and manipulated by people who hoped to "save them" or exploit the resources on their lands. 

Nemonte emerges from oppression and seeks to integrate her own cultural identity with the one that has been imposed on her by outside forces. She is broken by abuse at the hand of "missionaries" and by the messages that she had deeply internalized that would lead her to believe that she and her people were "less than." As the story continues, she discovers healing and succeeds in forging a new life that embraces progress while maintaining an allegiance to deep cultural values and practices. 

The reader is taken on a quest with Nemonte who finds her voice, her unique role as a unifier of her people, activist, dreamer, partner, and mother. She reclaims the beauty of her heritage and unites her family and the greater community to defend their lands against those that would seek to harvest and destroy. 

On a personal level, as someone who has recently emerged from religion and cast aside doctrines that I had long found distasteful but now openly disbelieve, I found myself identifying with certain parts of her story when as a child, she continually prayed to God "the white man's God" hoping for some kind of supernatural experience that never happened. What she did experience were dreams, visions, and symbolic messages linked to her heritage that served as guides. You can call this god or not, I'm not sure what it is, but to me, it solidifies my position that there are many different ways of tuning into the mystical. The minute that one person claims that one way is superior to another, or that the experience that they have had is somehow something that everyone needs to have, is where I walk away. I'm more than saturated with that attitude. 

As strange as it may be for some, the deep indoctrination that all other mystical experiences (outside of a certain Christian one) should be viewed with skepticism and mistrust and are likely demonic, is hard to shed. I really enjoy being able to read, watch, listen to the stories and art of others without the fear of being "tainted" or worse falling under the influence of the devil. 

Thank you Nemonte for being courageous and sharing this fascinating story. 

A descriptive Novel narrated by Tom Hanks The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

 

Audio read discovered on my library app "Libby."

Best thing about this book: narrated by Tom Hanks. He did a fabulous job. 

It was fairly interesting. I think what stood out the most was the relationship of the protagonist with his siter. They were kind of "us against the world." 

Their mom was a mysterious woman who apparently had once held aspirations to be a nun. She was drawn to charity work like a moth to a flame and once they moved into the gargantuan, demonstrative "Dutch House" that her husband had purchased secretly as a surprise, she became increasingly unhappy.

She moved out when her youngest son was still small and virtually disappeared. 

Maeve (the sister featured on the cover in a painting) developed severe diabetes.

The maid and nanny was relied upon by their eccentric successful father for more than just housekeeping and childcare. 

Eventually he remarries an ambitious women named Andrea who is an exacting stepmother who loves the Dutch House. 

When the father dies unexpectedly, Andrea kicks both children out permanently. They move into together but over the course of their adult lives, find themselves creeping back to observe the Dutch House from afar. 

The book centers around the concept that the house has some kind of mysterious pull for them with a mixture of unhappy and happy memories. 

Danny (the speaker) goes on to marry and despite going to medical school at his siter's insistence, ends up in real estate which is is his passion that was passed down from his father. Their mother re-emerges later in the story and there is a reconciliation of sorts. In a twist of events, the mother ends up a caretaker for Andrea in the Dutch house (which she had once despised). The mother discovers that she is needed and Andrea relies on her. 

The story ends with Danny's daughter May purchasing the house bringing everything full circle. 

Perfection Salad by Laura Shapiro

 

Perfection Salad - Laura Shapiro

Book Club read recommended by a member

Part of a throng of research projects that emerged in the early seventies when women began doing doctoral research.  The book highlights key women of influence in the United States (particularly New England) who led the charge in creating cooking schools, industrializing and streamlining the kitchen, established standards of measurement, as well as promoting quality control, safety, and nutritional awareness. 

The book discusses different waves of the movement from the mid 1800s up until the early to mid 1900s.  

She also talks about trends and public perceptions that influenced women. For example it was very popular in the 1800s for women to be "dainty." This led to women believing that they should eat very little, and when they did it should be in the form of "dainty" carb like things ie toast, wafers, tiny sandwiches etc. Meat and hearty dishes were considered more appropriate for men. This led to many women being undernourished and having anemia even. 

She also discusses the spiritualization of homemaking that transpired in the United States during the Victorian era. This was the idea that the woman was the spiritual heart and spiritual leader of the home. By maintaining order and creating domestic tranquility, training up the children etc. this was considered to be an end unto itself - a lofty goal and task that only a woman could achieve.  Through throwing herself into this work, she was truly a missionary in her home and then this could seep out beyond to include the community at large. Cooking and cleaning were thus glorified to fulfill a high and noble calling and it was approached with due seriousness. 

In our book club meeting we talked about feminism, its waves, and also the counter revolutions that followed. We see this today -with women identifying with traditional ideas of wife/motherhood. We talked about our own ancestors and the ways in which they viewed cooking and domesticity. Was it something to be accomplished in order to get on to something else or was it more? 

Views of food: In my family there was a saying "Eat to live, not live to eat." I think it's a very industrialized notion of food as a source of energy so you can go out and do more work. I noted that this is a a very different approach from the Italian family I married into. In Italian culture, how you prepare food, the ingredients you use, when you eat, in what order, at what time are all very important to them. (Not to mention the relative tastiness of the food.) 

I always enjoy pondering food processes of other times and places because they were so labor intensive. People at the turn of the century celebrated the newfangled notion of "processed foods." Our relationship with processed foods has become increasingly complex and I think most people rely on them but view the relationship dubiously. Our connection to the sources of food (for most US dwellers) is pretty remote. Most of our food travels through multiple entities before it reaches our plates or greasy paper bags. 

This book offers interesting insights into the evolution of that process and how industrialization affected the way cook, eat, and think about food and those who prepare it. 

My Girl Liz

 Liz Gilbert captured me with her famous memoir Eat Pray Love which I read years ago when I was living in London. I've written about two of her other books on this blog: Big Magic, and The Last American Man. It's safe to say I'm a gushy fangirl. In fact, I think I've read all of her books. She's brilliant, funny, authentic, candid, confident yet vulnerable. 

Stern Men was first published in 2000, so an earlier work in her book career. I tend to like her nonfiction more than fiction. This story is inspired by actual lobster fishing communities but is an entirely fictional narrative. It was definitely enjoyable and having grown up in a resource based industry (agriculture) I'm always fascinated to delve into other types of livelihoods imaginatively that source an existence from the earth itself. 

One of my takeaways was just really internalizing how difficult life can be and how that difficulty can bring or bear with it a deal of harshness. Those who have to physically work very hard to earn a livelihood particularly as independent business people carve a mold that is very familiar to me. Collaboration and dependence are viewed with unease. Competition can be fierce. Bullshit is not tolerated. Nepotism and succession matters weave a complex web into the mix. Creativity gives an edge over sheer muscle. It's a journey into a microcosm that casts light on the entirety of the human story. 

I got the kindle app again! I had it then I didn't. I'm not sure why I thought it no longer existed for a time. I dunno. Anyway, I was waiting for this one to come out. All right; I confess, I was curious to hear about Liz's lesbian affair. I'm being honest. I think most of us are a little prone to morbid curiosity, the kind that makes you prick up your ears and lean in when someone mentions some juicy gossip. 

But I knew it would be so much - so much more than just a let me tell my story, because it's Liz! I knew it would be hard packed with spirituality, in-depth processing, discovery, humor, anecdotes, and Liz does not disappoint in All the Way to the River. 

I would definitely put it in the mid life re-alignment zone. Perfect for any anonymous people who may be in that zone. Near that zone, having had been in that zone, probably will continue to be in that zone, forever - another decade?

It's about her love story with Rayya, but it's also about addiction and recovery. I have a second hand relationship with recovery. Not because I probably don't need the rooms. I believe we all do on some spectrum or another. I have a friend who has told me all about recovery. I can't speak about it for myself, but I'm familiar with the language and the concepts and I deeply admire the work that is done for and with people and the support they receive. 

Reading Liz's nonfiction is like speaking with a friend. She oozes familiarity and ease in her tone and I get super drawn in and not bored. Def recommend for anyone who wants to hear a powerful story and is interested in the topics of intimacy, co-dependency, and recovery. 

One thing that surprised me was how much she talks about God. "Is the Universe good, bad, or indifferent?" While she doesn't attempt to directly answer this question, she implies that she believes there is a God or force who cares and can be appealed to, spoken to, and who offers direction. 

This led me to ponder where I'm at with this. Over the past few years I had arrived at an experimental plateau of neutrality about this topic. I definitely believe all religions are invented by humans, but as to God.... not sure. Is there a God, are they a distant or personal God, are they malicious, benign, or loving. (if loving, I concluded they don't love the creatures on earth to have a comfortable physical existence.) Liz witnessed her friend go through unspeakable pain, yet she walked away with an openness to embracing the God of her understanding. 

My intellect allows me to experiment with prayer, because why not? It feels good to pray for people. (even if I think of it more as loving meditation and imparting positive energy). It feels great to surrender my fears to a higher power. It feels comfortable to ask for a sign or a sense of direction (as long as I'm not putting my logic, common sense, and instincts in the trunk of the car.) I think I needed Liz's book to remind me that there is potential richness in embracing the God of my understanding (or at least experimenting with it.)

If some fundie tells me that "the god of my understanding is not valid" here's what I would say: "If God wants to impart to me a clear picture of who they are and what I should think about them or do for them" it needs to be very clear and that should be easy for GOD. And by easy I don't mean an ancient manuscript written in another language. 

ooh I squeezed in a mini rant.

I jumped on here to add something for myself. I realized that the thing from this book that seems to be hitting me the most isn't even what I wrote about so far here. It's the codepndency thing. It's the constant pull to over function in many relationships. To not know where I begin and others begin. To take responsibility for things that are not mine. My reading of this book is not going to halt a pattern of people pleasing that began when I was like 3 years old, but it is helping me to raise my awareness around this topic, this pull, shining light of intentionality on this dance that is relationships. 

Pathological Skimmer soothed by meditative audio book where every word is read

Anne Hillerman -Bestselling Mystery Author

(one of her books below that I recently audio read) 

 https://www.annehillerman.com/

I recently discovered the new free library app "Libby." I used something similar years ago called "Overdrive." I didn't really think I liked mysteries all that much. I thought I left them behind with Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys which I did read my fair share of back in the halls of Maricopa Elementary School.  

Through exploring what genres work for me to listen to in short bits (commute of 15 mins and 30 min lunch breaks, while folding laundry, working in kitchen) I've been finding that these mysteries are ideal. 

I previously mentioned that I had watched the new series Dark Winds so when I happened upon this book series which is the basis for the storyline of the show, it was perfect. I'm obsessed with the four corners region and the author sprinkles in plenty of landscape lore (just for me I presume.)

Anne Hillerman created a spin-off series from her Dad Tony Hillerman's detective novels set in the Navajo nation.

Have I shared in these rooms that I'm a pathological skimmer? It's an atrocious habit that became deeply cemented during my English Majorhood at college where I took too many classes at once, and opted for insane History  and Bible classes as electives because I'm an unabashed geek.  (also extremely religious back then which only added to my general lack of frivolity.)

I arrogantly presume to be equipped to extract the succulent marrow of a work without taking the time to read each word. (I often miss really juicy bits this way.) One might reasonably ask how does a skimmer select which words to actually read and which to skip? I'm not entirely sure on this count. It's an intuitive process that cannot be explained, nor shall I try. But if I get bored I start to skim... And I get bored very easily - and it gets worse as I get older, not better. 

 Or I value my time more, not sure. Sidenote - I tried to wrap some gifts for Christmas last night. I tried to force myself to cut the wrapping paper in a straight line, to actually care about how the package looked. I'm telling you, it was extraordinarily difficult. It felt like a major waste of time and it wasn't like I had anything else pressing to do. But suddenly, I was giving myself some kind of a pep talk about why this was important. Why was it important you might ask? Because my daughter asked me to wrap gifts in actual paper, instead of jamming them into used creased Christmas bags like I usually do. (However, she said nothing about appearance of said gifts!) And I love my daughter so there. 

All this to say, audio books can't really be skimmed. So I actually am "reading" the entire book and by that I mean every word. All the thes and the prepositions and articles. ALL.. Except for the bits that get drowned out by noisy clanking dishes when I'm in the kitchen or if I get interrupted by people whose monologues cannot be skimmed through (politely) anyway. I have found that you can only ask a given person to "cut to the chase" so many times without them completely rejecting your company. I myself am guilty of rambling monologues at times. I am a verbal processor after all. (we noticed.)

A brave, funny, insightful memoir precipitating a ramble - Deborah Jackson Taffa's Whiskey Tender

 

This was a chance encounter. I was browsing on my free library app Libby for available audio books. 

Native American history, literature, culture has been one of my main interests over the past few years. 

In fact, I recently watched Dark Winds and Flybread Face and Me both directed by Billy Luther, a fact which I hadn't realized until after I had watched both.

This memoir fit really well with those shows/movie as much of her early life was spent in Navajo country in Farmington New Mexico although she herself is of the Quechan (Yuma) Nation and Laguna Pueblo peoples. She was born on the reservation in Yuma. She currently is the director of the MFA in Creative Writing Program at the Institute of American Indian Arts (IAIA) in Santa Fe. (rad job btw!)

This memoir explores her journey of identity as a person of "mixed ancestry" living amongst both whites, non natives, and in the midst of the more populous Navajo nation. The story is a gripping tale of her close knit family. One of a series of sisters, their parents worked diligently to give them a life that was not as marked by poverty as their own had been. This path led them away from their place of origin and to a life of walking the line between honoring the past and the traditions of their ancestors and trying to create a comfortable reality in the present which meant at times suppressing cultural identity.

I'm reticent to create any parallels to my own life, but I've been recently reflected on the power of identity. Most people want to feel part of something larger than themselves and as our society has expanded through industrialization and global commerce, I think the cost has been the sense of continuity that humans experienced throughout much of their history with a sense of family/tribe.

People try to re-create it and simulate it through other forms of belonging, but I feel the simulation falls short of what there is a visceral longing for. 

Sometimes we are raised to strongly identify with something and then there comes a point when that identity doesn't serve but actually hinders us from evolving and adapting to the present. I grew up strongly identifying as a rancher, but my life took a turn that didn't involve me being a rancher. I can talk about a strong cultural affiliation, but that is all it is. It doesn't matter than my family heritage extends back on three sides in that subculture all the way to the 1800s, It is not the reality of my present or likely future. So, I can imagine a little tiny bity - the pull of a heritage (referring to the book) that extends back not 100 years but hundreds or thousands and is both cultural and ethnic and how difficult it is to both honor and yet integrate into the ever pressing pull of present exigencies. My family and extended family is extremely tight- knit, supportive, and clannish and I feel so grateful for the security that has afforded me my whole life. 

The story was both interesting and personal. I got the sense that Deborah is an HSP so I definitely related to her on that level. She seems like a natural harmonizer who thought deeply about things and worked at both pleasing and being authentic which speaking from experience is kind of an ordeal.

There was a part that really stood out to me. I jotted part of it down hurriedly in the kitchen one day (Due to my full time work schedule my book listens happen in snatches while I'm cleaning up the kitchen at 6 am, on my commutes, or on my 30 min lunch breaks.) I think she was exploring her tribal history, traditions, rituals, healing medicines, ceremonies etc in order to try to feel connected to her roots and people and to discover her place in the world. At one point it's like she had an epiphany where she realized that that was all well and good but what she needed to internalize were the edicts. This is all I got down "I vowed to focus on their edicts." How I interpreted this and applied to myself is the following: You can't really re-create the past because all of those things that I listed, beautiful as they are, were part of their time- what was needed for the time, made sense, and served. I can do them now, but perhaps it is more important for me to discover the rituals, ceremonies, art and nature connection that will serve me now. Somehow I can honor even preserve ancient traditions, whilst still being open to creating new ones and being part of the constant evolution that is life itself.

I tend to elevate, romanticize, and be nostalgic about the past: my childhood, my ancestors, times gone by when I like to think that life was more natural or vibrant. Sometimes I fall prey to melancholy, wistful longing, and regret for what I have no power to re-incarnate or create. I guess what I'm saying and why I jotted this down is because I don't want to live there any more. I heard her say that she wants to take the spirit of her people and their edicts into her life. I want to do the same. I want to own and speak my values and try to integrate them into my life now. It feels hard to infuse a suburban existence with some color sometimes, but the reality is wherever I lived on the space/time continuum, I have to acknowledge that I might be having the same struggle. Perhaps creating life moment by moment, being awake to the beauty of what is evolving spiritually, emotionally, and our part in the greater cosmos can be as epic as we frame it.

 

SENSE OF WONDER by Rachel Carson

 "A child's world is fresh new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life..."

Source: Book Club

One of the titles on our mutual reading list with my fellow book club member. 

Delightful read! It was originally written as an article. 

I didn't realize how short it was because I checked it out on my library audio app and listened it. When it finished, I was startled, thinking I had accidentally only heard an excerpt, but no! 

Rachel Carson was both a scientist and writer. She was born in 1907 and the book was originally published in 1956. The article is inspired by her forays into nature with her grand nephew whom she eventually adopted. 

I then checked out the actual book from the library which included photographs by Williams Neill. (the photograph above is one of Neill's. I just found out he had made his home at Yosemite. Interesting as I just returned last weekend from a 2 night visit to Yosemite with my sister. It was my second time there.)

So some thoughts... Well, each entry is artfully crafted kind of like a journal but also like a poem. She talks about different experiences in nature throughout the seasons, ever conveying the way in which she experiences such scenes afresh as she introduces her nephew to their glories.

I've always been a parishioner of a sort of nature cult. Not sure if it was my early immersion in nature - for which I'm eternally grateful both due to circumstance and the adults who were willing/able to be guides. I have some scientists and naturalists in my genealogy on my Scot side - the MacMillans - keen observers and documenters of the natural world. 

Anyway nature is a deep rooted value of mine and when we were raising our girls, I considered excursions into nature as one of the highest priorities for their education. 

In book club discussion, we talked about nature experiences from childhood as well as with children. I loved hearing about the various experiences from mossy corners of backyards to Yosemite with grandfathers. It was a very poignant discussion. 

Carson really inspired me to be attune not only to the sights but to what is afforded the other senses. Prior to book club, I had been on a walk at our river preserve and I was especially attentive to the smells and sounds - the tangy river/sage, sound of the quail, honking geese on their journey far above.

One of the things I liked about this is that the setting is the east coast so the descriptions are very different from the world we live in here California and the southwest. We had had a rainless spell lasting multiple months (common for our summers) so reading about wet verdant places was very refreshing. Her entries about a solitary Maine ecosystem reminded me of LM Montgomery's nature passages.