Educated by Tara Westover

I can't let myself start another book until I finish reflecting on the three I just finished.... I'm contemplating banning myself from ordering more books from the library until I finish the ones I have on my bookshelf awaiting to be read.... hmmm/ So, pump it out. (Very un tao)

 

Title: Educated

Author: Tara Westover

Publication date: 2018

Format: library e book on kindle

Source: book club read for 2026 recommended by a member

When I read books on Kindle and/or audio from my Library app, I return them right after I finish. I can't really flip through the pages to reflect on what I've read as easily which makes it a bit difficult sometimes to recall certain key standouts. 

I remember feeling that the first chapters felt very magical and descriptive (even though there was a tone of sadness which is overarching throughout the whole book even though the reader doesn't yet realize how dark the narrative will get later on in the story.)

This is a memoir about the author's childhood growing up on in rural Idaho. Her father (parents) might be considered extreme Mormon fundamentalist survivalist types. She was born in 1986. For the most part she and her siblings never attended public school, had formal government documentation, or did conventional doctoring. 

This in and of itself might be considered shocking to some. Not to me so much. I grew up in some ways very similarly to Tara - thankfully minus mental illness, cruelty, and such extreme isolation; but in other ways, I could imagine her life perhaps much better than some others. 

My family was self employed like her. We relied on each other for our primary source of socialization. This was a very positive experience for me (sadly unlike the author.) Also in common - Tara had certain natural elements in her home landscape that were anchors of identity in her mind and story. She frequently references the mountain "Buck's Peak" and a rock formation known as "The Indian Princess." I related to that a lot. I felt that key nature images of my home landscape were as much a part of me almost as my family members: the rock formation we called "the Monkey Face", the canyon to the southwest we called "the Reyes", and many other trees, canyons, streams, and so forth which were contexts in which my imagination flourished as a child. (I was in a safe environment where nature explorations were not where I went to hide (although maybe some of that) but were encouraged as part of  learning, play, and work.) 

Like Tara, my Dad maintained a stretch of our phone line when I was a kid meaning that when there was a storm, it didn't work for awhile. We had a generator for power and also used kerosene lamps sometimes. We homeschooled (although not for our entire education) and were involved with helping with the family business. Like many rural westerners, we maintained a healthy cynicism about anything government related and tended to rely more on ourselves and/or other community members rather than professional or government support. We also were conservative religiously and held to fundamentalist beliefs in many ways. 

That's pretty much where the resemblance ends. As the story progresses, Tara slowly reveals the deep dysfunction, fear, illness, and disconnect that characterized her childhood in many ways. Her story is very sad and there are deeply disturbing parts. I kind of felt like sometimes when you see something horrible on the news and you are repelled but you can't take your eyes off the screen because you're so morbidly curious. There are episodes of physical and psychological cruelty, but it is also a tribute to human tenacity and her spirit shines through as she overcomes many obstacles in order to go away to college, become a scholar, and eventually forge a new life. 

I think one of the most interesting parts of the story is how Tara had to re-invent herself as a young adult. I can kind of relate to that in that when you grow up in a rural lifestyle, there is kind of a learning curve to normal suburban or urban life that is very different. Things like going to the doctor or figuring out how to travel, what to wear, and also filling in cultural gaps that might exist (in her case because of not studying history) (in both of ours not having television). 

I think as a reader, parent, daughter, one of the most painful parts of the story are her repeated attempts to reconcile with her parents and assist her siblings. It shows how deep-rooted is the desire to have an intact relationship with our tribe no matter how far we physically and spiritually move away from them. Just as a literary aside, I sometimes felt that the voice was very distant and numb in the recounting. Not sure if I'm just intuiting a survival mechanism employed by the author in the process of which she endured which leaked over into her storytelling. Not sure.  

Sharing this story must have taken a lot of courage and I hope that in sharing, she has found healing and also a community of people who might also discover needed solace and connection. 

Genius, Fascinating, Riveting, Mind-Blowing Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

 

Title: Mating in Captivity

Author: Esther Perel

Published: 2006

Version: Audio book read by the Author

Source: I think Esther Perel was referenced in another book I was reading but I can't remember which one (an anthropology book?) I read one of her other books and have listened to her podcasts. 

This is one of my book club's 2026 reads (I'm ahead kind of on accident - it popped up on my library app)

Genius, fascinating, riveting, mind blowing. 

This book has been around a minute. It's 2026 and I'm just discovering Esther Perel (within the past few years). She's amazing! I realize that I'm prone to gushing but she is so gushworthy. Let me just begin with this blurb from the book description which says so much.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel explores the paradox of maintaining sexual desire in long-term, committed relationships, arguing that domesticity and intimacy can stifle lust, which thrives on mystery and individuality.

It doesn't take a Sherlock to figure out why this book might not have been circulating in the arenas I traveled in. If you want to read something about sexuality that offers a multi-cultural global perspective and plenty of real life examples from Perel's work as a therapist, you will love this! Esther's insights are  compassionate, novel, sensible, and sensual all at the same time. 

I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't find this topic at least mildly interesting. I think one her primary offerings lies in challenging cultural biases, assumptions, traditions and in offering language to talk about this topic. One might assume that our culture is overly saturated with sex, but Perel really highlights the extremely polarizing views that Americans (United Statesians) have about sexuality. She explores this through sharing stories of her many clients/patients as she helps them unpack their deep seated beliefs about sexuality and particularly as it applies to committed relationships. She points out that it's surprisingly difficult sometimes to discuss fears, desires, dreams, and even erotic fantasies with one's own partner but again and again she emphasizes the importance of doing so - with care. She is not  an advocate of "tell all" or that self revelation is always kind or helpful. I appreciate this. She emphasizes communication and exploration but also the importance of individuality as a catalyst for eroticism. 

What I greatly appreciate is that this is not a reductive formulaic self help book in any way shape or form. It's more like an anthropology book that acknowledges the nuances and complexities of sexuality and offers mind blowing ideas and ways to think differently about it. She honors the huge value that stable relationships have to families and societies and I think her work is very pivotal in building a vision for coupledom that can take pressure off of the highly romanticized version of modern partnership that can be deeply disillusioning and crumbles under the weight of heavy expectation.

She is truly a brilliant writer as well as thinker. Gush Gush. I know. Her multi-cultural experiences and background add a rich and unique layer to her research and case studies (in the trenches) therapeutic practice. 

Woman conquers "The Way" one book at a time The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff

 

Source: library ( It was recommended by google to learn about Taoism)

Publication date: 1982

Title: The Tao of Pooh

Author: Benjamin Hoff

I discovered this book through some research I was doing on Daoism. This is part of a curious quest I've been on re: how people (of various cultures) view God and if they believe in God (s) whether or not they think God is personal. 

I know very little about eastern religions/philosophies. I have assumptions and ideas I have absorbed in a general sense but that's about it. 

I see why the author chose to take a well known and well loved western figure in children's literature and point out his characteristics that align with Taoism. From the author's forward: "That was when I began to get an idea; to write a book that explained the principles of Taoism through Winnie-the-Pooh.." 

The author explains that Taoism is infused with lightness and humor so I can see how this idea formulated. The author integrates core principles of Taoism with celebrated Pooh stories. (I kind of skimmed over the stories - and just focused on the applications) As I sped read through this and made some bullet point notes on my phone. I thought how very "western" of me, trying to extract the main points as quickly as possible so I can go on to to cramming my body home or brain with the next item that I "need" to purchase, eat, or learn. (that's not entirely true but sort of .)

Nonetheless. What a great reminder of some unhelpful things I've been aware of trying to shed for some time and some touchpoints on how to embrace a different way of being. *It's extremely difficult to unlearn principles and patterns that have been handed down through generations and perhaps genetically honed into my DNA. I won't ask that of myself too much because that wouldn't be "the way." Yet, much to ponder...

"Daoism" - "Taoism" - synonyms? AI SAYS 

"Tao" and "Dao" are the same word and concept, representing the fundamental "Way" or path in Chinese philosophy/religion (道). The difference is merely in the romanization system used: "Tao" is from the older Wade-Giles system, while "Dao" is from the modern Pinyin system. Both refer to the nameless, eternal source of all existence. 

 "the Way." I love that. Bear with my notes; ("bear" - ha no pun intended.)

• He does a cool section in the beginning where he breaks down three main eastern perspectives/ religions/philosophies?: Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism which is very helpful for a beginner.

• work with the harmony and balance and "laws" that exist in the universe, nature, and within yourself. (shout out to Parker Palmer)

• Don't strive or force (this was my MO see Zona early adult life)

• process not destination only

• humor and lightness and ease ( I love it when my youtube yoga teacher reminds us "with ease" - it makes me aware of random tension that I'm holding in trying to force a pose.
• Believe in your inner power (wow!)

• He has this little rant that I totally relate to about cultures that are into "forcing" and "imposing" not to name names but cough "puritans" and "pioneers." It's in a section about "Bisy Backson - I think a reference to a Pooh story? Anypooh, I like this little satire he does of Americans (westerners?) It's a caricature of someone who is always in a hurry, exercising with a capital E, and then he has this little bit "For a Reward perhaps Our Bisy Backson religions, sciences, and business ethics have tried their hardest to convince us there is a Great Reward waiting for us somewhere, and that what we have to do is spend our lives working like lunatics to catch up with it." and "After two or three centuries of pushing, pushing, and pushing the once fertile earth, and a few years of depleting its energy still further with synthetic stimulants, we have apples that taste like cardboard, oranges that taste like tennis balls, and pears that taste like sweetened styrofoam, all products of soil that is not allowed to relax. "

• He kind of does little playful jabs at Confucianism I noticed that bro! Ever once in a while he throws in the word confuse but with a capital C. I can't help but think he's alluding to something...

• cultivate wisdom, happiness, and courage - happiness has been kind of a dirty word amongst modern psychologists because the pursuit of happiness often leaves people unhappy. But I think I get where he's coming from here. It's kind of like stop choosing to focus on pain and striving and allow happiness in (With ease.)

• enjoy sensual experiences instead of trying to catalog them or capture them for the future. (uses the example of birdsong "What bird is that?" etc. It's amazing how difficult it is to just experience something lovely with presence and simplicity) Like for example how while I was reading this book I was thinking and taking notes the whole time and intruding on my husband's quiet time by reading him excerpts. 

I feel like the author is a kindred spirit. Kind of a quirky sensitive soul? 

An Inside look at the therapeutic relationship Maybe you Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Maybe you Should Talk to Someone 

A Therapist, her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Lori Gottlieb

source: Libby app on Kindle

I found this memoir to be endearing, charming, and actually riveting. It kind of reminds me of my girl Liz. (Gilbert author of Eat, Pray, Love) in the style and in her humor. 

Reading this made me feel like I was having coffee with a best girlfriend and she was sharing funny anecdotes about her own life (and if a therapist could disclose info about her therapy sessions) which she does with caution (see initial disclaimer about her process in carefully selecting stories for this book.) Lori talks about her own life: from her decision to conceive a child by selecting a sperm donor, her sudden breakup with a fiancee, her early adulthood career explorations, and her quirky therapist who helped her through her grief. She offers snapshots of her work with several clients: a short-tempered tv producer who lost a child, a woman navigating cancer, and an older woman deciding if she wants to continue to live. The chapters kind of bounce back and forth between all these different stories which was pretty fun actually. 

There's nothing that fascinates me more than human beings which is I've concluded why I've always loved books, literature, analyzing myself, my family, history, anthropology, and of course psychology!

I've also experienced therapy (although not much.) I found it very fascinating to read this book which clues you in to the way a therapist thinks, the processes, some of the patterns that occur. It kind of reminded me of my years as a massage therapist in that you try to be really present with your client, and make sure that you're making the session about them (ie not talking about yourself too much or usually talking at all, steering conversations away from oneself, sharing personal information that might detract from the therapeutic relationship.) Also, it reminded me of how a one hour therapy session (massage or in this case psychology) can feel like a magical time capsule where you're in a liminal space that's not work, family, or some other compartment. If done well, it can feel liberating to take breaks from the roles that enjoyable as they are, can be taxing. 

Lori is extremely wise, so wise! Oh, can I say it's definitely also a midlife re-alignment book, because duh all the wisdom we older women accrue through all these bumps, bruises, and stuuufffff.... So I related to her in that sense. Also she had a circuitous route to her eventual career choice and reading that also connected with me. She was a journalist, a medical school student, eventually a psychologist, and still a writer, and not least of all a mother. 

She touches on the artistic process and how for her, it needed to be authentic and not just something that would sell or "make sense." 

There were a lot of moments in the book, where I would feel like "yes!" that resonates so deeply. One was when she talks about the hierarchy of pain and how it isn't really helpful. I actually undermine my own grief and pain constantly by comparing it to what I think are greater degrees of suffering and pain than what I experience. 

"Lori emphasizes that "there is no hierarchy of pain," meaning suffering should not be ranked or compared because it is not a contest. She argues that minimizing one's own, or others', emotional pain is destructive, as everyone’s experiences are valid and worthy of compassion. 

West with the Night by Beryl Markham

 

She was the first person to fly solo, non-stop across the Atlantic from Britain to North America. (1936)

Book Club read - Our fist book of 2026.

She's a total stud. 

This is a memoir about her flight but actually more about her child hood and young adult hood growing up in a very rural part of east Africa (now Kenya.)

She's an excellent writer. 

Her free-range and unorthodox childhood was a breeding ground for her to live an original life. She helped her father train racehorses, hunted with the locals, tussled with a lion once and portrays it all charmingly. 

Her father moved to South America when she was a teenager and she decided to stay in Africa, striking it out on her own as a horse trainer. 

She eventually met a pilot who taught her to fly and she became a professional independently contracted commercial flier in Africa. 

There are some personal details omitted (relationship stuff) and it focuses more on her adventures, flying, horses, and the characters surrounding these endeavors. 

I would love to know more about the other stuff, but it was a very interesting and original read. 

Eager to discuss it at book club Sunday!

Bloody Long Narrative Drains the Life out of Listener- Dracula by Bram Stoker

 

This book is nearly driving me to madness. No wonder it captured the interest of posterity though. 

A little backdrop from my childhood:

When I was four, I was staying with a relative who let me stay up late at night and watch Dracula. I was a very sensitive child who rarely watched tv at all so this made a huge impression on me. I remember being terrified of bats flying into my window. To this day, I remember the images of those black and white figures from the (1931) version?? 

Now, after I finish reading this, (currently 80% through) I must prepare myself to watch the movie for the first time since I was four years old. Will its hold over me be amplified or dispelled? 

I'll let you know. 

We Open: (Spoiler Alert)

The novel started out strong with a riveting opening recounting the tale of Jonathon Harker's visit to Transylvania as a guest and solicitor to the mysterious Count Dracula told through the medium of his journal.

This audio book has two readers; a male and female and they are truly amazing; fine reading and even different voices and accents for the different speakers.  (Duke Classics audio book version - there are several)

This is where I rant for a second:

Dr. Van Helsing's long monologues began to wear on me in the next portion of the book which takes place in England. He was tending poor sick Lucy who had a penchant for sleep walking to the graveyard where a tall dark figure was found "bending over her neck," I couldn't wait for her to either convalesce or perish as quickly as possible. Firstly, her sickly sweet Victorian female persona was more than mildly annoying. 

It's a book of its time; as the ladies are always being gently shafted out of anything interesting, are more virtuous than angels and are never even for a second brought down from their lofty pedestals to anything resembling normal human behavior. Seriously, vampire Lucy had a lot more personality than her human predecessor; it was almost a shame that she had to have a stake driven through her heart by her poor ex fiancée who also kind of suffers from one dimensionality. 

I'm not even finished with the book and I really don't know the plot so I'm committed to finishing it so I can watch the movie (s). I just had to rant about it a little bit to get it off my chest. 

The author also likes to ramble along a bit too much into side characters who have little to do with the main story line. 

I'm a sad person of my time who just is in a hurry and wants people to cut to the chase just a little bit more. I'm usually nicer to authors who are still living sorry Bram; if you're reading this from the hereafter; I'm sure you understand my perspective. I've never once fainted because of being shocked by something someone said so...

Hysterical Victorian Women

Ok; one more thing. The "guys" form a vampire hunting guild and have all these secret meetings and stakeouts that would be "ever so much for poor Mina" so they leave her alone at night in her bedroom....

Excellent idea guys.  Guys who does visit her while you're out "working?" The man who harnesses the mist and flows through cracks in doors, materializing to mesmerize and bite. She doesn't want to say anything about her "strange" dreams because it might worry them? They don't do any serious inquiry about her strange onset of paleness and fatigue that poor Lucy suffered from and "died" from like last week?? Oh by the way have we noticed that her teeth are getting sharper? Best not speak of it; she might faint. 

Also bro doesn't put it together that his mental patient Renfield is obsessed with bats, blood, and has a "lord and master?" hmmm. Could these things be connected somehow? 

If Van Helsing would do less talking and hinting around the subject and more fact connecting... well.... the story could be less tortuous and shorter.... Also Mina might not have Count Dracula attached to her slender virtuous Victorian neck. 

Human History of Vampires

I'm no connoisseur of things horror, gothic etc. I'm not versed on this stuff; but a cursory plunge in google has informed me that legends of blood sucking monsters are rife in ancient folklore from multiple civilizations, people groups, and different continents.

 I watched Twilight so I know Bella did her research. I'm a sucker for unrequited love y'all. Bram was doing his research and he claimed that his story had a solid foundation in true events. Ooh that's spooky.

Addendum. Last night I watched the 1958 version with Christopher Lee The Horror of Dracula. Many claim it is the best most accurate version. While some of the facts were different, I liked it a lot. It was a little suspenseful but not too scary. It captures the essence of the prominent characters and the basic plotline. Plus my daughter and I died laughing watching Christopher Lee scamper up the stairs with his long legs two at a time. I honestly don't know why we found this so hilarious, but we watched it at least 3 times. 

Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez

 

I read this on my kindle app.

My favorite thing about this read was that the author writes as if she were talking to you while she's doing your hair and you feel like you're her best friend. 

She's a great storyteller and this is a fascinating tale about how she started out as an emergency relief worker and ended up in Afghanistan starting a non profit Beauty School for women entrepreneurs. 

There are lots of anecdotes and interesting cultural experiences. I know very little about the culture so reading about some of their customs as well as the many different people groups/ethnicities/ that exist within the country was eye-opening. 

I see that she has several other books out there and I added one to my list. 

One thing that really stands out is her fearlessness. A lot of people prize personal safety above all else. She went boldly and relied on her wits and ability to connect with people and I really admire that. You could say that there were multiple points where her life was unstable and seemed on the verge of extreme calamity - yet there she is "in the arena" as Teddy Roosevelt memorialized and Brene Brown has expanded on. 

Her life is full of color, adventure and yes peril! Very different from how my life feels currently, but very much how I imagined my life would be when I was younger.

Maybe soon Deborah