West with the Night by Beryl Markham

 

She was the first person to fly solo, non-stop across the Atlantic from Britain to North America. (1936)

Book Club read - Our fist book of 2026.

She's a total stud. 

This is a memoir about her flight but actually more about her child hood and young adult hood growing up in a very rural part of east Africa (now Kenya.)

She's an excellent writer. 

Her free-range and unorthodox childhood was a breeding ground for her to live an original life. She helped her father train racehorses, hunted with the locals, tussled with a lion once and portrays it all charmingly. 

Her father moved to South America when she was a teenager and she decided to stay in Africa, striking it out on her own as a horse trainer. 

She eventually met a pilot who taught her to fly and she became a professional independently contracted commercial flier in Africa. 

There are some personal details omitted (relationship stuff) and it focuses more on her adventures, flying, horses, and the characters surrounding these endeavors. 

I would love to know more about the other stuff, but it was a very interesting and original read. 

Eager to discuss it at book club Sunday!

Bloody Long Narrative Drains the Life out of Listener- Dracula by Bram Stoker

 

This book is nearly driving me to madness. No wonder it captured the interest of posterity though. 

A little backdrop from my childhood:

When I was four, I was staying with a relative who let me stay up late at night and watch Dracula. I was a very sensitive child who rarely watched tv at all so this made a huge impression on me. I remember being terrified of bats flying into my window. To this day, I remember the images of those black and white figures from the (1931) version?? 

Now, after I finish reading this, (currently 80% through) I must prepare myself to watch the movie for the first time since I was four years old. Will its hold over me be amplified or dispelled? 

I'll let you know. 

We Open: (Spoiler Alert)

The novel started out strong with a riveting opening recounting the tale of Jonathon Harker's visit to Transylvania as a guest and solicitor to the mysterious Count Dracula told through the medium of his journal.

This audio book has two readers; a male and female and they are truly amazing; fine reading and even different voices and accents for the different speakers.  (Duke Classics audio book version - there are several)

This is where I rant for a second:

Dr. Van Helsing's long monologues began to wear on me in the next portion of the book which takes place in England. He was tending poor sick Lucy who had a penchant for sleep walking to the graveyard where a tall dark figure was found "bending over her neck," I couldn't wait for her to either convalesce or perish as quickly as possible. Firstly, her sickly sweet Victorian female persona was more than mildly annoying. 

It's a book of its time; as the ladies are always being gently shafted out of anything interesting, are more virtuous than angels and are never even for a second brought down from their lofty pedestals to anything resembling normal human behavior. Seriously, vampire Lucy had a lot more personality than her human predecessor; it was almost a shame that she had to have a stake driven through her heart by her poor ex fiancée who also kind of suffers from one dimensionality. 

I'm not even finished with the book and I really don't know the plot so I'm committed to finishing it so I can watch the movie (s). I just had to rant about it a little bit to get it off my chest. 

The author also likes to ramble along a bit too much into side characters who have little to do with the main story line. 

I'm a sad person of my time who just is in a hurry and wants people to cut to the chase just a little bit more. I'm usually nicer to authors who are still living sorry Bram; if you're reading this from the hereafter; I'm sure you understand my perspective. I've never once fainted because of being shocked by something someone said so...

Hysterical Victorian Women

Ok; one more thing. The "guys" form a vampire hunting guild and have all these secret meetings and stakeouts that would be "ever so much for poor Mina" so they leave her alone at night in her bedroom....

Excellent idea guys.  Guys who does visit her while you're out "working?" The man who harnesses the mist and flows through cracks in doors, materializing to mesmerize and bite. She doesn't want to say anything about her "strange" dreams because it might worry them? They don't do any serious inquiry about her strange onset of paleness and fatigue that poor Lucy suffered from and "died" from like last week?? Oh by the way have we noticed that her teeth are getting sharper? Best not speak of it; she might faint. 

Also bro doesn't put it together that his mental patient Renfield is obsessed with bats, blood, and has a "lord and master?" hmmm. Could these things be connected somehow? 

If Van Helsing would do less talking and hinting around the subject and more fact connecting... well.... the story could be less tortuous and shorter.... Also Mina might not have Count Dracula attached to her slender virtuous Victorian neck. 

Human History of Vampires

I'm no connoisseur of things horror, gothic etc. I'm not versed on this stuff; but a cursory plunge in google has informed me that legends of blood sucking monsters are rife in ancient folklore from multiple civilizations, people groups, and different continents.

 I watched Twilight so I know Bella did her research. I'm a sucker for unrequited love y'all. Bram was doing his research and he claimed that his story had a solid foundation in true events. Ooh that's spooky.

Addendum. Last night I watched the 1958 version with Christopher Lee The Horror of Dracula. Many claim it is the best most accurate version. While some of the facts were different, I liked it a lot. It was a little suspenseful but not too scary. It captures the essence of the prominent characters and the basic plotline. Plus my daughter and I died laughing watching Christopher Lee scamper up the stairs with his long legs two at a time. I honestly don't know why we found this so hilarious, but we watched it at least 3 times. 

Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez

 

I read this on my kindle app.

My favorite thing about this read was that the author writes as if she were talking to you while she's doing your hair and you feel like you're her best friend. 

She's a great storyteller and this is a fascinating tale about how she started out as an emergency relief worker and ended up in Afghanistan starting a non profit Beauty School for women entrepreneurs. 

There are lots of anecdotes and interesting cultural experiences. I know very little about the culture so reading about some of their customs as well as the many different people groups/ethnicities/ that exist within the country was eye-opening. 

I see that she has several other books out there and I added one to my list. 

One thing that really stands out is her fearlessness. A lot of people prize personal safety above all else. She went boldly and relied on her wits and ability to connect with people and I really admire that. You could say that there were multiple points where her life was unstable and seemed on the verge of extreme calamity - yet there she is "in the arena" as Teddy Roosevelt memorialized and Brene Brown has expanded on. 

Her life is full of color, adventure and yes peril! Very different from how my life feels currently, but very much how I imagined my life would be when I was younger.

Maybe soon Deborah 

A descriptive Novel narrated by Tom Hanks The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

 

Audio read discovered on my library app "Libby."

Best thing about this book: narrated by Tom Hanks. He did a fabulous job. 

It was fairly interesting. I think what stood out the most was the relationship of the protagonist with his sister. They were kind of "us against the world." 

Their mom was a mysterious woman who apparently had once held aspirations to be a nun. She was drawn to charity work like a moth to a flame and once they moved into the gargantuan, demonstrative "Dutch House" that her husband had purchased secretly as a surprise, she became increasingly unhappy.

She moved out when her youngest son was still small and virtually disappeared. 

Maeve (the sister featured on the cover in a painting) developed severe diabetes.

The maid and nanny was relied upon by their eccentric successful father for more than just housekeeping and childcare. 

Eventually he remarries an ambitious women named Andrea who is an exacting stepmother who loves the Dutch House. 

When the father dies unexpectedly, Andrea kicks both children out permanently. They move into together but over the course of their adult lives, find themselves creeping back to observe the Dutch House from afar. 

The book centers around the concept that the house has some kind of mysterious pull for them with a mixture of unhappy and happy memories. 

Danny (the speaker) goes on to marry and despite going to medical school at his siter's insistence, ends up in real estate which is is his passion that was passed down from his father. Their mother re-emerges later in the story and there is a reconciliation of sorts. In a twist of events, the mother ends up a caretaker for Andrea in the Dutch house (which she had once despised). The mother discovers that she is needed and Andrea relies on her. 

The story ends with Danny's daughter May purchasing the house bringing everything full circle. 

Perfection Salad by Laura Shapiro

 

Perfection Salad - Laura Shapiro

Book Club read recommended by a member

Part of a throng of research projects that emerged in the early seventies when women began doing doctoral research.  The book highlights key women of influence in the United States (particularly New England) who led the charge in creating cooking schools, industrializing and streamlining the kitchen, established standards of measurement, as well as promoting quality control, safety, and nutritional awareness. 

The book discusses different waves of the movement from the mid 1800s up until the early to mid 1900s.  

She also talks about trends and public perceptions that influenced women. For example it was very popular in the 1800s for women to be "dainty." This led to women believing that they should eat very little, and when they did it should be in the form of "dainty" carb like things ie toast, wafers, tiny sandwiches etc. Meat and hearty dishes were considered more appropriate for men. This led to many women being undernourished and having anemia even. 

She also discusses the spiritualization of homemaking that transpired in the United States during the Victorian era. This was the idea that the woman was the spiritual heart and spiritual leader of the home. By maintaining order and creating domestic tranquility, training up the children etc. this was considered to be an end unto itself - a lofty goal and task that only a woman could achieve.  Through throwing herself into this work, she was truly a missionary in her home and then this could seep out beyond to include the community at large. Cooking and cleaning were thus glorified to fulfill a high and noble calling and it was approached with due seriousness. 

In our book club meeting we talked about feminism, its waves, and also the counter revolutions that followed. We see this today -with women identifying with traditional ideas of wife/motherhood. We talked about our own ancestors and the ways in which they viewed cooking and domesticity. Was it something to be accomplished in order to get on to something else or was it more? 

Views of food: In my family there was a saying "Eat to live, not live to eat." I think it's a very industrialized notion of food as a source of energy so you can go out and do more work. I noted that this is a a very different approach from the Italian family I married into. In Italian culture, how you prepare food, the ingredients you use, when you eat, in what order, at what time are all very important to them. (Not to mention the relative tastiness of the food.) 

I always enjoy pondering food processes of other times and places because they were so labor intensive. People at the turn of the century celebrated the newfangled notion of "processed foods." Our relationship with processed foods has become increasingly complex and I think most people rely on them but view the relationship dubiously. Our connection to the sources of food (for most US dwellers) is pretty remote. Most of our food travels through multiple entities before it reaches our plates or greasy paper bags. 

This book offers interesting insights into the evolution of that process and how industrialization affected the way cook, eat, and think about food and those who prepare it. 

My Girl Liz

 Liz Gilbert captured me with her famous memoir Eat Pray Love which I read years ago when I was living in London. I've written about two of her other books on this blog: Big Magic, and The Last American Man. It's safe to say I'm a gushy fangirl. In fact, I think I've read all of her books. She's brilliant, funny, authentic, candid, confident yet vulnerable. 

Stern Men was first published in 2000, so an earlier work in her book career. I tend to like her nonfiction more than fiction. This story is inspired by actual lobster fishing communities but is an entirely fictional narrative. It was definitely enjoyable and having grown up in a resource based industry (agriculture) I'm always fascinated to delve into other types of livelihoods imaginatively that source an existence from the earth itself. 

One of my takeaways was just really internalizing how difficult life can be and how that difficulty can bring or bear with it a deal of harshness. Those who have to physically work very hard to earn a livelihood particularly as independent business people carve a mold that is very familiar to me. Collaboration and dependence are viewed with unease. Competition can be fierce. Bullshit is not tolerated. Nepotism and succession matters weave a complex web into the mix. Creativity gives an edge over sheer muscle. It's a journey into a microcosm that casts light on the entirety of the human story. 

I got the kindle app again! I had it then I didn't. I'm not sure why I thought it no longer existed for a time. I dunno. Anyway, I was waiting for this one to come out. All right; I confess, I was curious to hear about Liz's lesbian affair. I'm being honest. I think most of us are a little prone to morbid curiosity, the kind that makes you prick up your ears and lean in when someone mentions some juicy gossip. 

But I knew it would be so much - so much more than just a let me tell my story, because it's Liz! I knew it would be hard packed with spirituality, in-depth processing, discovery, humor, anecdotes, and Liz does not disappoint in All the Way to the River. 

I would definitely put it in the mid life re-alignment zone. Perfect for any anonymous people who may be in that zone. Near that zone, having had been in that zone, probably will continue to be in that zone, forever - another decade?

It's about her love story with Rayya, but it's also about addiction and recovery. I have a second hand relationship with recovery. Not because I probably don't need the rooms. I believe we all do on some spectrum or another. I have a friend who has told me all about recovery. I can't speak about it for myself, but I'm familiar with the language and the concepts and I deeply admire the work that is done for and with people and the support they receive. 

Reading Liz's nonfiction is like speaking with a friend. She oozes familiarity and ease in her tone and I get super drawn in and not bored. Def recommend for anyone who wants to hear a powerful story and is interested in the topics of intimacy, co-dependency, and recovery. 

One thing that surprised me was how much she talks about God. "Is the Universe good, bad, or indifferent?" While she doesn't attempt to directly answer this question, she implies that she believes there is a God or force who cares and can be appealed to, spoken to, and who offers direction. 

This led me to ponder where I'm at with this. Over the past few years I had arrived at an experimental plateau of neutrality about this topic. I definitely believe all religions are invented by humans, but as to God.... not sure. Is there a God, are they a distant or personal God, are they malicious, benign, or loving. (if loving, I concluded they don't love the creatures on earth to have a comfortable physical existence.) Liz witnessed her friend go through unspeakable pain, yet she walked away with an openness to embracing the God of her understanding. 

My intellect allows me to experiment with prayer, because why not? It feels good to pray for people. (even if I think of it more as loving meditation and imparting positive energy). It feels great to surrender my fears to a higher power. It feels comfortable to ask for a sign or a sense of direction (as long as I'm not putting my logic, common sense, and instincts in the trunk of the car.) I think I needed Liz's book to remind me that there is potential richness in embracing the God of my understanding (or at least experimenting with it.)

If some fundie tells me that "the god of my understanding is not valid" here's what I would say: "If God wants to impart to me a clear picture of who they are and what I should think about them or do for them" it needs to be very clear and that should be easy for GOD. And by easy I don't mean an ancient manuscript written in another language. 

ooh I squeezed in a mini rant.

I jumped on here to add something for myself. I realized that the thing from this book that seems to be hitting me the most isn't even what I wrote about so far here. It's the codependency thing. It's the constant pull to over function in many relationships. To not know where I end and others begin. To take responsibility for things that are not mine. My reading of this book is not going to halt a pattern of people pleasing that began when I was like 3 years old, but it is helping me to raise my awareness around this topic, this pull, shining light of intentionality on this dance that is relationships. 

Pathological Skimmer soothed by meditative audio book where every word is read

Anne Hillerman -Bestselling Mystery Author

(one of her books below that I recently audio read) 

 https://www.annehillerman.com/

I recently discovered the new free library app "Libby." I used something similar years ago called "Overdrive." I didn't really think I liked mysteries all that much. I thought I left them behind with Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys which I did read my fair share of back in the halls of Maricopa Elementary School.  

Through exploring what genres work for me to listen to in short bits (commute of 15 mins and 30 min lunch breaks, while folding laundry, working in kitchen) I've been finding that these mysteries are ideal. 

I previously mentioned that I had watched the new series Dark Winds so when I happened upon this book series which is the basis for the storyline of the show, it was perfect. I'm obsessed with the four corners region and the author sprinkles in plenty of landscape lore (just for me I presume.)

Anne Hillerman created a spin-off series from her Dad Tony Hillerman's detective novels set in the Navajo nation.

Have I shared in these rooms that I'm a pathological skimmer? It's an atrocious habit that became deeply cemented during my English Majorhood at college where I took too many classes at once, and opted for insane History  and Bible classes as electives because I'm an unabashed geek.  (also extremely religious back then which only added to my general lack of frivolity.)

I arrogantly presume to be equipped to extract the succulent marrow of a work without taking the time to read each word. (I often miss really juicy bits this way.) One might reasonably ask how does a skimmer select which words to actually read and which to skip? I'm not entirely sure on this count. It's an intuitive process that cannot be explained, nor shall I try. But if I get bored I start to skim... And I get bored very easily - and it gets worse as I get older, not better. 

 Or I value my time more, not sure. Sidenote - I tried to wrap some gifts for Christmas last night. I tried to force myself to cut the wrapping paper in a straight line, to actually care about how the package looked. I'm telling you, it was extraordinarily difficult. It felt like a major waste of time and it wasn't like I had anything else pressing to do. But suddenly, I was giving myself some kind of a pep talk about why this was important. Why was it important you might ask? Because my daughter asked me to wrap gifts in actual paper, instead of jamming them into used creased Christmas bags like I usually do. (However, she said nothing about appearance of said gifts!) And I love my daughter so there. 

All this to say, audio books can't really be skimmed. So I actually am "reading" the entire book and by that I mean every word. All the thes and the prepositions and articles. ALL.. Except for the bits that get drowned out by noisy clanking dishes when I'm in the kitchen or if I get interrupted by people whose monologues cannot be skimmed through (politely) anyway. I have found that you can only ask a given person to "cut to the chase" so many times without them completely rejecting your company. I myself am guilty of rambling monologues at times. I am a verbal processor after all. (we noticed.)

A brave, funny, insightful memoir precipitating a ramble - Deborah Jackson Taffa's Whiskey Tender

 

This was a chance encounter. I was browsing on my free library app Libby for available audio books. 

Native American history, literature, culture has been one of my main interests over the past few years. 

In fact, I recently watched Dark Winds and Flybread Face and Me both directed by Billy Luther, a fact which I hadn't realized until after I had watched both.

This memoir fit really well with those shows/movie as much of her early life was spent in Navajo country in Farmington New Mexico although she herself is of the Quechan (Yuma) Nation and Laguna Pueblo peoples. She was born on the reservation in Yuma. She currently is the director of the MFA in Creative Writing Program at the Institute of American Indian Arts (IAIA) in Santa Fe. (rad job btw!)

This memoir explores her journey of identity as a person of "mixed ancestry" living amongst both whites, non natives, and in the midst of the more populous Navajo nation. The story is a gripping tale of her close knit family. One of a series of sisters, their parents worked diligently to give them a life that was not as marked by poverty as their own had been. This path led them away from their place of origin and to a life of walking the line between honoring the past and the traditions of their ancestors and trying to create a comfortable reality in the present which meant at times suppressing cultural identity.

I'm reticent to create any parallels to my own life, but I've been recently reflected on the power of identity. Most people want to feel part of something larger than themselves and as our society has expanded through industrialization and global commerce, I think the cost has been the sense of continuity that humans experienced throughout much of their history with a sense of family/tribe.

People try to re-create it and simulate it through other forms of belonging, but I feel the simulation falls short of what there is a visceral longing for. 

Sometimes we are raised to strongly identify with something and then there comes a point when that identity doesn't serve but actually hinders us from evolving and adapting to the present. I grew up strongly identifying as a rancher, but my life took a turn that didn't involve me being a rancher. I can talk about a strong cultural affiliation, but that is all it is. It doesn't matter than my family heritage extends back on three sides in that subculture all the way to the 1800s, It is not the reality of my present or likely future. So, I can imagine a little tiny bity - the pull of a heritage (referring to the book) that extends back not 100 years but hundreds or thousands and is both cultural and ethnic and how difficult it is to both honor and yet integrate into the ever pressing pull of present exigencies. My family and extended family is extremely tight- knit, supportive, and clannish and I feel so grateful for the security that has afforded me my whole life. 

The story was both interesting and personal. I got the sense that Deborah is an HSP so I definitely related to her on that level. She seems like a natural harmonizer who thought deeply about things and worked at both pleasing and being authentic which speaking from experience is kind of an ordeal.

There was a part that really stood out to me. I jotted part of it down hurriedly in the kitchen one day (Due to my full time work schedule my book listens happen in snatches while I'm cleaning up the kitchen at 6 am, on my commutes, or on my 30 min lunch breaks.) I think she was exploring her tribal history, traditions, rituals, healing medicines, ceremonies etc in order to try to feel connected to her roots and people and to discover her place in the world. At one point it's like she had an epiphany where she realized that that was all well and good but what she needed to internalize were the edicts. This is all I got down "I vowed to focus on their edicts." How I interpreted this and applied to myself is the following: You can't really re-create the past because all of those things that I listed, beautiful as they are, were part of their time- what was needed for the time, made sense, and served. I can do them now, but perhaps it is more important for me to discover the rituals, ceremonies, art and nature connection that will serve me now. Somehow I can honor even preserve ancient traditions, whilst still being open to creating new ones and being part of the constant evolution that is life itself.

I tend to elevate, romanticize, and be nostalgic about the past: my childhood, my ancestors, times gone by when I like to think that life was more natural or vibrant. Sometimes I fall prey to melancholy, wistful longing, and regret for what I have no power to re-incarnate or create. I guess what I'm saying and why I jotted this down is because I don't want to live there any more. I heard her say that she wants to take the spirit of her people and their edicts into her life. I want to do the same. I want to own and speak my values and try to integrate them into my life now. It feels hard to infuse a suburban existence with some color sometimes, but the reality is wherever I lived on the space/time continuum, I have to acknowledge that I might be having the same struggle. Perhaps creating life moment by moment, being awake to the beauty of what is evolving spiritually, emotionally, and our part in the greater cosmos can be as epic as we frame it.

 

SENSE OF WONDER by Rachel Carson

 "A child's world is fresh new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life..."

Source: Book Club

One of the titles on our mutual reading list with my fellow book club member. 

Delightful read! It was originally written as an article. 

I didn't realize how short it was because I checked it out on my library audio app and listened it. When it finished, I was startled, thinking I had accidentally only heard an excerpt, but no! 

Rachel Carson was both a scientist and writer. She was born in 1907 and the book was originally published in 1956. The article is inspired by her forays into nature with her grand nephew whom she eventually adopted. 

I then checked out the actual book from the library which included photographs by Williams Neill. (the photograph above is one of Neill's. I just found out he had made his home at Yosemite. Interesting as I just returned last weekend from a 2 night visit to Yosemite with my sister. It was my second time there.)

So some thoughts... Well, each entry is artfully crafted kind of like a journal but also like a poem. She talks about different experiences in nature throughout the seasons, ever conveying the way in which she experiences such scenes afresh as she introduces her nephew to their glories.

I've always been a parishioner of a sort of nature cult. Not sure if it was my early immersion in nature - for which I'm eternally grateful both due to circumstance and the adults who were willing/able to be guides. I have some scientists and naturalists in my genealogy on my Scot side - the MacMillans - keen observers and documenters of the natural world. 

Anyway nature is a deep rooted value of mine and when we were raising our girls, I considered excursions into nature as one of the highest priorities for their education. 

In book club discussion, we talked about nature experiences from childhood as well as with children. I loved hearing about the various experiences from mossy corners of backyards to Yosemite with grandfathers. It was a very poignant discussion. 

Carson really inspired me to be attune not only to the sights but to what is afforded the other senses. Prior to book club, I had been on a walk at our river preserve and I was especially attentive to the smells and sounds - the tangy river/sage, sound of the quail, honking geese on their journey far above.

One of the things I liked about this is that the setting is the east coast so the descriptions are very different from the world we live in here California and the southwest. We had had a rainless spell lasting multiple months (common for our summers) so reading about wet verdant places was very refreshing. Her entries about a solitary Maine ecosystem reminded me of LM Montgomery's nature passages. 

Marriage, a History by Stephanie Coontz

 

This is one of my book club reads nominated by a founding member. This was an awesome read. I love anthropology and sociology because it's looking at a vast cross section of humans and asking questions like, in this case: how can marriage be defined?

The answer is vastly more complex than one would imagine and so varied across time and place that coming up with a cohesive definition is nigh impossible. Here are a couple of attempts she references "commonly stable, mated relationships between males and females" which exists pretty universally except in one instance "the Na" people who raised offspring in extended family groups and apparently didn't or don't have a recognizable marriage institution. Another definition: "the set of legal rules that govern how goods, titles, and social status are handed down from generation to generation."

The author walks us through the centuries - starting out with broad strokes across the globe and then migrating more to decade based deductions from marriage studies (mostly in the US) from the last century. (the book was published in 2005). There are so many fascinating aspects to how marriage is organized and what it has meant. Is it about division of labor, shared resources, influential connections? Or is it the passing on of lands and titles, and resources? ...and all of these are true to a greater degree or another. Also interesting in how involved the extended family or community has been in the selection of spouses and in the actual lives of the couple. In most times and places spouses were integrated into existing extended family households or tribes where the concept of privacy for the nuclear family or couple would have been a foreign notion.

 What is, according to the author, unique to recent history (the past 200 years) is the concept and expectation that marriage should be about companionship, love, and emotional intimacy. An expectation that she argues has led to a greater degree of marital satisfaction and quality than ever before but also has facilitated a greater fragility as people readily discard the institution if it fails to pony up the desired results. 

The industrial revolution, feminism, ready access to birth control and other factors have radically altered the way in which societies are organized and has had deep ramifications for how marriage is viewed and what it means. We're in a particularly interesting time now as marriage (as she points out in the conclusion) at least in this part of the world is usually totally optional and relationships are more customized than ever before to the whims of the individual. That being said, she proposes that marriage still "gives people a positive vocabulary and a public image that set a high standard for the couples behavior and for the respect that outsiders ought to give to their relationship."

I think there may be something to that. Just like everything for many of us, the vast array of options and choices can be exhilarating but also paralyzing. It's tempting to hearken back to a time when expectations, roles, and institutions were more static. I grew up with a higher degree of focus on traditional marriage values, division of labor between genders (apparently than many of my contemporaries), but at the same time was encouraged to be independent and assertive as well. I think it's normal for people to have to navigate mixed messages and try to integrate them into their adult lives. 

It was interesting to reflect on the fact that I entered marriage expecting it to look like "male breadwinner model" - a term Coontz considers to be a modern concept that never existed say for example in the middle ages where most women worked in cottage industries or farms alongside their spouses. I also (like most modern people) had extremely high "romantic" standards of what kind of companionship we would enjoy in our marriage (ie that marriage is the most important and central relationship of your life) - again not something that has been universally true in other times and places. For example, in the middle east where parental and sibling relationships might be much more emphasized in terms of closeness.) The expectation that marriage will be a built in friendship that will satisfy all emotional, sexual, and economic needs puts a huge degree of pressure on the marriage relationship that is definitely not always positive. 

An Update, a Book, an Observation

1. Update:

I started a book club! It's called a very proper "Ladies Nonfiction Book Club." It's a public group through meetup.com and we've had 2 meetings so far. Yesterday's meeting was so much fun. Co- conspirator and I started ransacking our shelves and Amazon wishlists for dusty books that we will now actually read!


We met at a new to me cafe called "Mokha Cafe" and the espresso was delicious but the setting a little noisy for a discussion group and quite limited seating. We're dashing back to Dagny's, a local coffee shop in downtown BK.

You know I actually already do read books; but now I will hopefully knock out even more.

2. Book: 

This was June's book for club. This was on founding member's wishlist and my own so we put it at the top of the queue.

The Schaeffers were a household name in the milieu of late eighties and nineties evangelicalism. They were elegant, intellectual, and sophisticated Bible thumpers. They lived in a chalet in Switzerland and their ministry was basically hosting young impressionable bohemians and "witnessing" through dialogue and by administering lectures which called upon the arts and the high points of Western Civilization to reinforce Christian beliefs.


Author, Frank is their youngest child and only son. This book was published in 2007 so it's been out there awhile and based on a podcast interview of his that I listened to recently, I'd wager that since 2007 he's evolved from Orthodoxy to more of agnosticism or atheism. Actually another more recent book title of his is Why I Am an Atheist Who Believes in God so it's not a wager.


This memoir recounts his childhood at L'abri the name of the Schaeffer's multi-location ministry, rise to fame as a member of the fledgling but soon powerful American Christian right movement, his exodus from that world and reinvention of himself as an artist and writer. He had a pretty free-range "unschooling before it was a term" homeschooled/autodidact childhood up until he did some boarding schools in the UK. 

I found his portraits of his parents and upbringing to be the most interesting aspects of the story. I was less interested in his subsequent career but related to his perspective and found guilty pleasure in some of the snark.  His portrayal of his parents was honest but not cruel and I think like many families who were renowned in some way, the pressures can be significant and I believe they were for Frank and his siblings and his parents too. 

A few passages I flagged. 

"Everything we did was to witness. (to witness was to share Christ; in other words, talk about your faith in hopes that you would convince the person listening to convert. To witness also meant to live in such a way that people would see Christ" in you and want to convert because your life was so admirable.)"

I related to this a lot. Again - doesn't sound like a big deal - but it's a lot of pressure nonetheless. 

"When we traveled on the Coroveglia, Mom pointed out that "We still have to pay for our tickets....' The idea was that because we were in the Lord's work, any person with a lot of money what was truly discerning would give us the boat passage and to do less was something like Mary and Martha charging Christ for supper."

This was kind of a painful connecting point for me as someone who raised funds for our "missionary work." I always found it incredibly awkward and murky. 

"Life had two huge demarcation lines, a cosmic before and after, from which everything else flowed. There was salvation, the crossing of the line from light to dark. And there was marriage, and life before "the wedding night" and after." 

Frank, well captured.

Re: his mom's long winded prayers that seemed to be for the benefit of the listener rather than have anything to do with God "I sometimes wondered if God ever tried to duck out of the room when he saw Mom coming." 

"When Jessica (his baby) is not keeping her food down, I learned the prayer that has no words, the one that I'd be praying forever after I became a father, whatever I called myself or converted to, or abandoned, when the feeling of dread is prayer - prayer and longing for what I could never give a child in danger, or myself; the guarantee of joy."

"What I don't want is to live in a culture that makes sweeping and dismissive secular or religious "theological" one-size-fits-all decisions that oversimplify complex issues." 

Preach

3. Observation. 

People talk about their conversions to faith. Sometimes it was a lightning bolt moment of clarity or a supernatural occurrence that was the catalyst for a faith to be born. Other times it was a gradual realization or onset of a decision. My deconversion feels marked by both of those things - moments even seconds of startling clarity and a recognition of sudden alignment after many years of ponderous deconstructing. 

Like a new convert I want to talk about it. I feel excited about the peace and congruence I feel. Like a new convert who wants others to experience their knowledge, freedom, and awakening, my deconversion has spawned similar feelings. Yet, I know that you can't sell your own experience too hard. You can touch on it - but others in your life have to witness it in their own way. They have their own journey; own monsoon strikes of insight to uncover. 

Deconversion from what? Certainly not from  openness to a conception of  God(s) , spirituality, or faith - merely from a religion and any religion that would seek to overly simplify, stratify, systemize, and dogmatize access to and revelation of the mysteries.

the Loud, Fast, Too Much World. The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person - Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo

 

Source: recommendation by friend and poet Emilee Weeks. I checked it out from the library

I can see why she recommended it to me. I've always known I was a little on the orchid side. People started telling me early on that I was "sensitive" usually combined with the word "too." 

I remember bursting into tears when my third grade teacher kindly advised me that I had used way too much glue on my art project. Thankfully I had super caring sympathetic parents who also encouraged me to be tough but didn't diminish my nature or make me feel "less than." 

I made a vow early in life that I would do my best to avoid the censor of any authority figure. I became adept at reading adults and conforming to their particular expectations. I'm not alone according to these authors. 

I've been aware of my "super powers" and "fatal flaws" for a pretty long time through my personality psychology studies, readings, and observations of myself and others. I'm pretty creative, empathetic, intuitive, conscientious, organized. 

This book offered new insights on how sensitive folks process the world at a neurological level. I think I've subconsciously been pretty hard on myself for some things that I guess I just saw as weaknesses. Like here's some examples - putting my jacket on and off 10 times during the day (constant temperature fluctuations,) blood sugar dips (why am I always snacking when other people seem to be fine?), difficulty concentrating in noisy environments, being overwhelmed by crowds (esp indoors - to the point of semi-panicked claustrophobic dashes for the outdoors), needing time (and preferably a way) to process anything and everything that occurs especially emotionally charged situations..

Then there's the empath thing. Walking into a room and immediately absorbing the mood and energy of everyone present. This sensitivity apparently makes it rough for HSPs in romantic relationships. Pair their incessant desire/expectation for high level in-depth interaction with their need for space, quiet, and recovery time - yep- tough lot. 

I think my main takeaways - are to give myself mental grace when I need extra recovery time and also to continue practicing habits that will re-center my nervous system. 

I really liked the chapter on job crafting. It really helped me feel positive about my job which is very detailed and introverted. It doesn't seem to tap into some of my giftings but after reading this, I really see how it actually is a great fit. I work in a quiet environment that is fairly low stress. I do highly detailed work. I enjoy a relative amount of freedom in how I prioritize tasks and I can continue to hone my role into something that is a good fit for me and a contribution to the company. 

A great read for sensitive souls or for someone who has one in their midst. 

Aweism in the Secular Life - response to Living the Secular Life by Phil Zuckerman

 

Living the Secular Life

New Answers to Old Questions - Phil Zuckerman

Source: friend recommendation from a discussion group I facilitate

There's a running theme in my life and readings. This is a well written book by a sociologist but it doesn't read like someone's thesis. It's full of personalized stories of the author's own life and of people he's interviewed. 

He cross references countries and cultures that are more secular compared to religious and discusses whether being religious truly makes a person or group more moral or ethical. 

It's a complex question but he seeks to dispel the myth that being irreligious means a slide into immorality. He uses various examples of both individuals and collective groups to back up his position. 

He talks about raising children with a secular worldview and offers some interesting stories about people's perspective on this. 

Zuckerman dives into such topics as death, community, morality, families, hard times and how people deal with some of life's big mysteries and challenges without a traditional religious view or structure.  

There's a chapter called "aweism." It was my favorite part of the book. "Aweism" is the author's coinage because he finds some other terms like humanist, atheist, agnostic, limiting. This section I will include below to wrap up really captures the author's fluid writing style and conceptual acumen. 

"Aweism encapsulates the notion that existence is ultimately a beautiful mystery, that being alive is a wellspring of wonder, and that the deepest questions of existence, creation, time, and space are so powerful as to inspire deep feelings of joy, poignancy, and sublime awe."

He goes on to say that accepting the mystery can lead to a happier state of being. I agree with this. 

"An aweist hearkens to the words of Albert Einstein (a self -described agnostic) who suggested that 'the most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of all true art and science. he to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead, a snuffed out candle." 

Lion Heart - Olive MacLeod fits well with Betty Friedan's theory

 Olive the Lionheart: Lost Love, Imperial Spies, and One Woman's Journey into the Heart of Africa 

 Brad Ricca 

Olive MacLeod (1880-1936)

Source: Library Book sale 

My Grandma tells me her last name is pronounce "Mcloud" which sounds so much better than Ma-Klee-od.

This got me thinking about something I read years ago in the Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan (I think that's where I got it anyway.) The gist is this: We tend to think that feminism happened in straight line with women progressively gaining more freedom and autonomy. It's more like waves or "two steps forward one back." There was a period in the early 1900s in which some women actually gained entrance into previously male dominated domains and a few of them enjoyed empowerment and a certain degree of liberty and influence that later in post WWII era was redacted. I have two examples below and their timelines are fairly close to Olive's. 

Amelia Earhart  (1897-1937) - aviator

Margaret Mead - (1901-1978) - anthropologist

Friedan theorized that after World War II, society desired a return to more rigid gender roles and the hyper feminization of women was emphasized. Women who had entered the work force during the war, returned en masse to the home whereupon homemaking, childbearing, and domesticity were idealized and generally promoted. 

Olive MacLeod seemed to enjoy her unmarried life in her twenties and into her thirties and this fictionalized biography based on her letters, journals, and writings captures her romantic and adventurous life and spirit. 

She was a Scot and her father was a proud clan leader. Having read Goddesses in Every Woman by Jean Shinoda Bolen, I would wager to say that Olive and her older sister Flora had a strong strain of Athena energy that was encouraged by an affectionate and empowering father (who had no sons.) Flora went on to become the clan chieftainess herself eventually.

Olive is portrayed as imaginative, intrepid, and intelligent. She eventually journeys into the heart of Africa with an English couple and a small entourage of servants following the trail of Olive's recently deceased fiancé - an explorer who she had fallen in love with during his sabbatical in England. 

The author toggles back and forth between their engagement correspondences and the present journey into Africa and the adventures that unfold throughout the trip.

Olive continued to write letters to her deceased fiancé which is both endearing and sad. It turns out her life has an enemies to lovers trope. The English dude who oversees one of the then "Colonies" of the empire and who seems to be constantly stymying their movements, ends up becoming her husband. (much later after she returns to the UK, writes a book, flirts with becoming admitted to the prestigious Royal Society (did she?) She then becomes Olive "Temple" and they eventually settle in Spain. 

Olive has baby lion pets, and climbs mountains guarded by dark ancestral spirits. She faces down stern tribal chieftains and sneaks into the wife's quarters so she can satisfy her curiosity. Everywhere she goes she has to let down her long red hair to be gazed at by locals. 

I have to confess, I kept thinking that they would discover that "dead" fiance was actually still alive and they had been misinformed. But sadly that appears not to be the case. 

Anyway I found it to be an entertaining read. 

A faded unblooming Orchid person examines The Lady's Handbook for her Mysterious Illness - Sarah Ramey

 source: friend Emilee

Sarah Ramey is a fluid writer and so funny! My favorite memoir style to read and write. A soul sister with an amazing Musician Name: Wolf Larsen.

If you have a distressing but mysterious illness that remains undiagnosed. If you've ever gone to a doctor and said that you know something's wrong with you and had them look at you blankly stating that your bloodwork is fine and that you look fine and maybe you're just getting older... Then you discover that all of your symptoms align with adrenal and cortisol issues and you take sea salt and balance your blood sugar and fill hellava better and wonder why "doctors" don't give credence to this stuff... (true story) You will relate in some level to Sarah Ramey's tale. 

I've had a number of female friends and some male friends and relatives over the years who came to mind as I was reading this. The friend who thought she had MS and then not. My sister in law diagnosed with fibromyalgia and then undiagnosed, who has suffered with chronic body pain for 8 years that remains undiagnosed despite a litany of unconventional and alternative practitioner visits. My brother, who thanks to some high quality care was able to figure out a diagnosis for Myasthenia Gravis. Many of my massage therapy clients who struggled with pain but knew not why.

This is not a formulaic self help book. It's a relatable tale that explores the complexity of health which involves the molecules of our cells and our unique psyches. 

I love psychology so I was leaning into the sections that correlated certain personalities and health issues. The parallels resonate. Is it a coincidence that many of the women I know who have thyroid conditions are HSPs? (including myself) "Highly Sensitive People" 

I'm fully convinced that pathological people pleasers internalize in their bodies the repercussions of the many ways they repress their spirits and mold their beings to conform to the pleasures of those around them or to avoid conflict which is anathema to porous sensitive types. To the extent in which these pin cushions (one of my favorite metaphors for how I feel about myself) learn how to take ownership of their lives, stop asking for approval or avoiding disapproval (more apt), the more they will be able to support their unique health journey.

Sarah references the Orchid Child theory.  "derived from Swedish idiom orkidebarn is the theory that between 15-20 percent of any animal population is genetically more sensitive to the environment than the rest of their species." She does a short analysis of how introverts and artistic types while being more susceptible to harm and weakness are also more prone to produce beauty (orchid) when cultivated in the right environment with the right conditions. 

There's a lot I could say about being an HSP. If you are one, you know what it's like to walk into a room and sense the emotions of everyone present. You know the feeling of having one harsh word or criticism demoralize you to the point of tears. As a young child, I found chastisement so profoundly painful that I made a vow to avoid it - even at great personal cost. These types of vows become deeply internalized habits of life. I became a master at reading authority figures and conforming to whatever they would expect. This kind of behavior is reinforced by constant praise and accolades from adults. I was led to believe that this type of behavior would somehow lead to my becoming a successful adult. I was a successful student but once I had left the fold of institutional education I was pretty clueless. There's lots of reasons for that that layer onto personality that are cultural and religious and genderous (my word) but that's another topic for another day.

The myth that success in school leads to success in life was always implied back in those days. Learning to conform to a group is a good life skill, but constantly squelching your own personality and desires does not lend itself to health, wellbeing, and successful adulting. My peers who acknowledged what they wanted even when it differed from what was touted, had better footing to launch into an adulthood where there is no parent or teacher who gives you a syllabus for life.  

There's a lot I could say about HSP parenting and the pros and cons of a democratic parenting style where authority is held extremely tentatively. I could talk about gravitating to becoming an employee because it feels like the classroom - back where I was successful and approved of. I could mention the prolonged early adulthood years of crippling constipation which I believe stemmed from religious fanaticism and self-imposed repression, but you are spared this. (for now) referencing it is more than sufficient. The point is that personality and psychological state definitely affect our physical well being.

"I discovered a long essay Ane had written for her clients about the Minotaur's labyrinth of medical problems they might be facing as highly sensitive people. It was just like my map and Dr. Hyman's map. It was about dysbiosis, adrenals, inflammation, diet, sensitivity, stress, toxins, nutrients."

Some people feel righteous in their constant pursuit of the right physician or the right treatment. Hoping for a magic bullet that will make the pain go away. Sarah had to grow up and like all of us learn how to integrate authority with her own vision of life. 

I'm thankful for her honest and courageous exploration. 

Listening Valley DE Stevenson

This British Author was introduced to me by my friend Emilee and I adore her. I've read several of her books but can't remember if I've written about her. She kind of reminds me of LM Montgomery although her books are written for adults. They have lots of lovely nature imagery (but not too much.) Her characters are kindred spirits and so relatable despite being set several generations back from me. 

I love the quote from this page of Listening Valley " One need never be dull as long as one has friends to help, gardens to enjoy, and books in the long winter evenings."

This captures the spirit of my vision for 2025 and perhaps my "2nd half of life" in general.

 

Dance of the Tiger by Kurten

 

Dance of the Tiger is a novel by Finnish palaeontologist Björn Kurtén, published in 1978 and English translation in 1980. It is a prehistoric novel dealing with the interaction between Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons. A sequel, Singletusk, published in 1982, continues the story of the family. Wikipedia

Kurten - really knows his stuff so even though it requires a deal of imagination to build a novel around early human interactions with Neanderthals'; it has an archaeological foundation.

I skimmed a lot as I do with most novels anymore. You kind of know where the plot is going and I get impatient in the getting there. I think I am most fascinated with how people re-imagine the social constructs of prehistoric people.

I recently watched the film The Quest for Fire - which has a similar pursuit. A creative attempt to capture prehistorical human culture.  

How Jesus became Became God - Bart Ehrman

 

https://www.bartehrman.com/

Standouts - 

• scholarship and references
• personal insights about faith journey from fundamentalism - Moody Bible Institute to Wheaton I believe - seems the classic deconstruction journey to more liberal forms of Christianity to exiting the establishment.
• putting Jesus in the context of other apocalyptic prophets of his era. I think this stood out for me because I had always thought Jesus' resurrection ushered in apocalyptic thinking for his followers, but actually to understand that certain Jews of that era (and others?) were immersed in the idea that the world was soon to end makes many of Jesus' teachings - especially the more radical ones, clearer. 
• the Resurrection. He does a fantastic analysis of the different viewpoints surrounding how people could interpret the event - from mass hallucinations to contradictions in stories. Interesting he parallels the many supernatural sightings that have occurred - especially the Mary visitations. He talks about how dismissive protestants are of them - despite numerous interesting eyewitness accounts in various places. Protestants who are quick to defend the validity of the resurrection of Jesus testimonies penned decades after the fact. 
• The gospels - I never realized (or forgot) that the gospels were written after Paul's epistles! Paul's epistles are the first things penned some 20 years after Jesus' death. The first gospel (Mark) was put down between 40-60 years after Jesus' death. That explains a lot about the discrepancies between the various gospels and the way that oral tradition can be a difficult resource for an accurate journalistic account which the gospels are not. 
• the above two bullets are believed through an act of faith just as not believing is an act of faith - he references Pascal and does a great analysis of how his theory may be a bit of an oversimplification. 
• "The history of my own personal theology is a mirror image of the history of the theology of the early church. In early Christianity the views got "higher and higher" with the passing of time, as he became increasingly identified as divine. Jesus went from being a potential (human) messiah to becoming the Son of God exalted to a divine status at his resurrection; to being a preexistent angelic being who came into the earth incarnate as a man; to being the incarnation of the word of God who existed before all time and through whom the world was created, to being God himself, equal with God the father and always existent with him. My own personal beliefs in Jesus moved in precisely the opposite direction." 

The above section from the epilogue I found to be quite a fascinating synopsis and an example of the way the author weaves his story in with his research. 

Spider Webs are my new friend

 

Have I ever mentioned that Barbara Kingsolver is one of my idols? Have you ever felt like someone was living the life you want to live? I recently read an excerpt of her discussing her two homes: one in Tucson and a farm in Appalachia. Enough said.

Appalachia - such an awesome word:

Mountains and deserts.

She's like a way smarter more scientific me.

A writer. 

She's doing it. What everyone always told me I should do.

It's not too late. 

This book as usual, combines her biology lore with some fabulous characters. She switches back and forth between three main characters (3rd person) narrative. Setting is in rural Appalachia. There's a constant thread of environmental activism. ( Barb is an activist and then a storyteller.) 

It's thought provoking, funny, sensual as all get out, and unpredictable with realistic complex characters. She has a refreshing view of humans as just "one of the animals" which fits nicely with my new thought patterns.

She's inspiring me to be more conscious. For example she does this whole little essay on predators. If you take down the web, you're going to have an influx of flies. Why are we so stupid? We're spraying for all this stuff that nature has already figured out how to seek a balance in.

I'm going to stop taking down my patio webs. Just a tiny step in the direction of natural balance.