Passion without Passion; Dr. Zhivago

 

I don't have a lot to say about this book. I think it could have been much better if someone took to the manuscript with some gardening shears and trimmed a bunch of wasted characters and scenes that had nothing to do with the central characters or storyline. This almost prevented me from reading it.

I'll be honest. The only reason, I stuck with it (doing a ton of skimming) was because my mom and Grandma told me there was a love triangle and I read the summary which sounded interesting. 

We just finished watching a docu/drama about Rasputin and the last czars so this time period was already fresh in my mind too.

There were some poetic passages but I never felt connected to the characters. I felt like I should feel connected to them but I didn't. Kind of like when you meet someone who you apparently have a lot in common with (eccentric, overthinking, narcissistic, and romantic) - me and Dr. Zhivago - but you don't have much to talk about for some reason. Oh - maybe it's because of the worse offense of all - lack of humor. Granted - humor when you're describing poverty, war, betrayal - yes - because it is what makes life bearable.

There was something about this that reminded me of Victor Hugo's Les Miz - rife with coincidences and people encountering one another years later and having serendipitous influence like that creepy "benefactor" - k.....sky - sorry the Russian names all sort of blend together in my mind and I just pay attention the last syllables to distinguish them one from another. Kind of like part numbers in my John Deere world. Of course there are the other parallels: revolution, intellectual idealists, hunger...

I felt bad for the women in Z's life that were not Lara. His first wife who always seemed to be waiting in the wings - but who had more of a sister vibe (maybe part of the problem?) Of course - circumstance and tragedy separating families and then throwing them together with others - well of course biology is going to kick in. Then there was his housekeeper who became his "third wife" towards the end of the book and with whom he had two kids. Then one day he decides to reinvent himself and just moves out leaving her with some money for a babysitter. Wha ho? 

Somehow Lara (the main love interest) manages to maintain this mystique even while she's cleaning, organizing, nursing, and making borscht. (oh that's polish my bad) Now that's a true woman. She's got that special something. She's a mother, she's an intellectual. She finds time to read in the middle of a revolution. (I like her!) But I still don't feel close to her somehow. Pasternak portrays these characters - but he doesn't get you inside their psyche - you're watchin it all unfold, but you're far away - you're not really feeling it. He says they are madly in love and you have to take his word for it. Reminds me of some couples you're with when the wife says "We just fell in love and here we are after all these years" and you look over at the husband and he's got this glazed look in his eyes - oooh - or that facebook post (again usually the woman "my best friend" - with the husband and it sort of smacks of overcompensating for something... Ok, enough of my romantic idealism rant. Because there are those couples who have that special something - and you feel it - you see it - and they don't have to talk about it. It's just palpable. 

I wonder if it's because he got so carried away in describing the scenes, the side characters and accurately portraying a historical period? Maybe he was trying to be a Tolstoy - but not really fully succeeding? Anyway.... there you have it. I slogged through. I do want to watch the movie with - what's his name with the intense eyes......

1st half, 2nd half

 

I'm on a Rohr kick. Pilgrimage to Center of Action and Contemplation? - of course in New Mexico which is already my Shangri-la. Perfect. 

This is a reflection about what necessary forms and functions serve us in first half of life - which may need to be bent broken shed in order to migrate to a true Second Half of life maturity which some may never arrive at because of unconsciousness or unwillingness or inability to navigate beyond, embrace newness

Rohr's writing is full of symbolism and poetic imagery. Not everyone would resonate with this kind of heartspeak as I think of it. He engages the mind and references heroes journeys, myth, and story - but if you're used to a more bullet point approach to life and want some kind of "10 strategies for" - steer clear of all things Rohr. 

This is a library book but I'm contemplating a purchase because I just finished it and I feel like I need to read it again. Every page has so many points to ponder - a quick skim read that I do from force of habit is not enough. 

Embrace duality and complexity. Entertain your shadow self in order to learn and move to greater intimacy with God and others. Be full of curiosity. Embrace suffering as one of the greatest teachers. These are just a few of the broad strokes takeaways for me. 

Gracious Loving Reflection from a Friar

 

My friend Em got me onto this author. I had heard of him and then later I realized I had confused him with another writer named Don Richard Riso. Both have associations with Catholicism - Rohr is a Franciscan Friar and Riso was I believe a Jesuit for some years. Both have written about the Enneagram - hence my confusion.

I have also subscribed to Rohr's daily meditation - an email newsletter which I love so far. Longing for a contemplative, scholarly, and approach to faith that embraces mystery, the limitation of human ability to grasp the divine, and simple but profound wisdom for growing deeper in maturity and faith - this guy is your man - only he's not - he's a friar.... sorry couldn't resist. He's worked with many people over the years from a variety of different backgrounds and this richness gives him a fabulous perspective.

The book reflects on the broader meaning of "Christ" - as opposed to it merely being Jesus' last name. How does Jesus embody the concept of Christ and how Christ is not limited to Jesus. He thankfully doesn't engage in boggy scripture references and cross referencing - something I've grown to loathe in evangelical writing. He does refer to the Bible, other sacred traditions and texts some, personal insight, and his vast encounters with "pilgrims."

In my usual broad strokes impressionistic way I soaked this up and felt it confirms my current posture of spiritual beliefs in many ways. Unlike Brian MaClaren, he doesn't veer too much into social/political types of arenas (for which I'm thankful.) He does appeal to the idea of focusing on living like Jesus did - and putting less focus on what I call "transactional" Christianity which apparently is a more recent phenomenon - in the focus on escape from hell through personal acceptance of the cross sacrifice etc. This is refreshing. Can't say I have a handle on the concept of sacrifice - is it a reflection of the evolution of mankind from tribal society to more advanced notions? Or is it a reflection of a requirement of our Creator? Realm of mystery still.....

I definitely feel relieved to let go of the idea that all other people groups and time periods outside of the Great Commission focal movement are bereft of knowledge or deep meaningful connections to the divine. I've long embraced that idea - but these types of writings definitely confirm and resonate. 

His tone is very gracious and loving as well. You feel like you're chatting with someone who cares about you. Again - focus is not on being right, proving others wrong, but exploring what it means to be human, how we can grow and develop maturely in loving communion with Higher Power and others. 

Dolphins, sweet teenage romance, ESP, spiritual insights, and soporific scenery

 

This was a recommendation and gift from my friend. I honestly can't remember if I've read her most famous book A Wrinkle in Time but this book has been a charming read. 

I am finding it difficult to describe for some reason. It's intensely personal - written in the first person - and definitely gives off an INFJ or INFP vibe. The protagonist and speaker seems like a HSP and so that deeply resonates as for some reason it seems to be a rarer perspective. 

Interspersed with nature imagery and close personal relationships - complex emotions, and a beautiful descriptive encounter with dolphins.

This has piqued my interest in dolphins, the force of ESP with which the protagonist communicates with others and her new dolphin friends is especially interesting.

All in all a charming read. Enjoyed reading about the life of the author as well and she is certainly a prolific one. 

Legitimate reasons to stay or go

 

Do I stay Christian? -Brian McLaren

Mclaren is a fluid writer - the English lit professor style. 

The first part of the book lays out a series of reasons why a person would legitimately have cause to leave the Christian religion.

The second half lays out some reasons and recourse to stay. 

I resonated with many of his points. Religious history is rife with travesty - Christianity is no exception. That it has oft veered from the life of the founder - is uncontested. I have been long astray from the more fundamentalist leaning transactional Christianity I was raised with, even though in the midst of that influence, I was instilled by my parents and mentors with a very personal relationship with God and Jesus that has been the defining aspect of my faith through all the different life paths...

McLaren seems to be much more philosophically and politically collective than I am. He spends a lot more time thinking about whether there is hope for institutional religion and probably puts a lot more stock in large scale political movements than I would tend to. For example this quote: "That means we will strengthen our shared desire for healthy and just communities and societies from global civilizations to nations to states to cities to neighborhoods to families and circles of friends." 

I don't tend to put much stock in "global civilizations" - I tend to have a more libertarian and tribal perspective. I think, at best we can attempt to transform ourselves (difficult) and then perhaps exert influence on family and friends... and so forth. I participate in a church community because I do believe that community service and progress in faith are aided by such institutions - or at this moment in time, more apt - the particular community I participate in - has presented itself to me through a mystical invitation that feels part of the stream of my life. Formal institutions have not always been a part of my faith journey but more often than not they have - both church and parachurch organizations. 

That being said, I definitely agree with the fact that a move towards and acceptance of a much more complex, mysterious, and nuanced version of faith is a welcome conversation to have. 

Dear Liz

 

Dear Liz,

 

In 2009, my dear friend Karin loaned me Eat, Pray, Love and like so many other people, I fell in love with your unique blend of candor, intellect, and humor. I found myself relating, giggling, and relishing the tale. I’ve read it several times since then.

I happened upon Big Magic some years back. As a dabbling wanna-be writer -a rather unproductive artist (with the temperament minus the output) I was impressed and inspired by the thoughts and stories you shared. Despite my lack of official artistic output, I am committed to the path of self-exploration and I think that’s what I value most about your writing. In fact, in Big Magic one of my takeaways was something you expressed about art first and foremost being about our own personal exploration – writing for yourself – producing your art purely for your own enjoyment, need to understand, pleasure etc. I also appreciate that you touched on the idea of not expecting your art to provide for you financially. I have mentioned this concept to several people over the years – including my own daughter for whom I just purchased Big Magic.  I feel like I’m having a conversation with a fellow pilgrim and even though we’ve never met, I feel like a fellow traveler.

Over the past month, I picked up The Last American and Committed. I had stumbled upon some quotes of yours online and it re-ignited my interest in reading more of your works. I was not disappointed. There are so many odd ways in which I connect to your narratives: perhaps the tendency to sarcasm, self-deprecation, sort of tomboyish air, personalized way of communicating and connecting, curiosity, and analytical way of thinking about things.

I appreciate your insights that span from your own thoughts and experiences shared so personally to the overarching themes that you share gleaned from observations, interviews, and research. I relate to both of these approaches because it combines an eagle-eye-view of culture with your own deeply personal connections with self, God, and others. It also so courageous to be willing to share these thoughts and experiences with others in such an open way and I want to thank you for that very daring gesture.

This all sounds like a painful book report that someone told a high schooler to write. It’s also dreadfully old fashioned. I could’ve thrown a comment on your Instagram feed for example.

I keep a book log online and my intent was to write a response to Committed – but it morphed into the idea of this letter. I’m sure you receive a lot of fan mail, and I don’t blame you if this never gets read.

 

I wish you all the best in your life journey.

Fellow Traveler,

Arizona

 

Clad in a homemade loin cloth of bandannas

 

    

Just finished this read. Got back from a day at a theme park - and couldn't wait to resume the real fun - reading, sipping, and just basically living the 94 year old dream. While I was fussing about crowds, cold, traffic, lines - I couldn't help but bemoan my lack of resiliency. 

Eustace Conway has resiliency. I think of him bounding down the Appalachian trail clad in a homemade loin cloth of bandannas, bearing little but a knife.

Elizabeth Gilbert (I've been a fan since I read her more famous book Eat, Pray, Love - round about 2009 I think.) She's a masterful writer and I love her candid, warm, humorous nonfiction writing style. Plus she's brilliant. She lays out the facts with just enough detail but cuts through to a psychological depth that your average biographer might miss alltogether.

I am riveted by Eustace Conway's force of personality and his visionary quest to save humanity from an apathetic suburban comatose existence. I'm fascinated by his adventures, romances, and Type A mountain man life on his farm and preserve "Turtle Island." I'm enthralled with the way a man can tirelessly pursue the approval of a distant father who bestows his first kind word on his son when son reaches age 39. There's a clash of being one with nature, the force of a driven visionary who longs for his own wood chinked walk in closet, and awaits the perfect woman who will embody pluck, nurture, and backbreaking labor. I feel for someone who puts so much pressure on himself and others as if driven by some sort of primeval force that cannot be resisted nor restrained. 

There's something about the collision of the seventies with a profoundly American heritage that promoted the concept of a puritanical holy grail pursuit of becoming a "man of destiny" that forged this unique personality. A guy clad in homemade buckskin attends college - exiting his homemade tepee each day to attend class. The dude rides cross country on horseback - coast to coast. I love the description of his mystical relationship with horses. 

I love Liz's interview with horseman CuChullaine O'Reilly - extolling the uniqueness of Eustace who has the three key characteristics of a brilliance endurance rider: "courage, resolve, and romance." He goes on to say that Eustace lacks (at that point - 20+ years ago y'all) his own spiritual journeying which would pull him away from the posturing and showmanship to something really heroic.

Eustace is featured in the 2012 Mountain Men show - I've added it to my list...

Embracing Complexity - a catch up post about various books and a few shows

 2023 has been an eventful year. A chunk of my time has been absorbed by a full time job that has taken me to the world of John Deere and engines. I'm chalking up my neglect of book log to adjusting to this new 40 hr a week work life. However, in the midst of this - I have read a few things and watched a few things all of which may not make it to this "catch up post" but it will at least put my mind at ease that I've deposited a thought or two about these works. 

Now that I've logged into the wi fi here at Starbucks - even just puttering away at these keys with my half fingered gloves and pretending like I'm doing something important makes me feel happy. A note on the gloves - I bought these gloves because I loved how they looked on Emily Blunt in the show The English - her reason for wearing them notwithstanding...

 -whimsical tale with a twist set in the south. Kindred spirits, themes of abandonment and class struggles, joys of nature and art, 

Winston Graham books - The Poldark series - still in the midst of it. Had enjoyed both series - the one from the 80s and the more recent one. The books are not a disappointment. If you love the characters from the show, Graham unpacks them even more keenly and artfully in the books. The mining and business details I usually kind of skim over so I can get to the juicy stuff. 

High Performance Habits - Brendan Burchard - Definitely one of the best self help books I've read in years. It veers away from the focus on temperament and takes a pragmatic behavioral approach to achievement. This sounds like it smacks of an outdated americanism fake it til you make it kind of thing by that description but it's actually not. Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore personality studies and all the good work that has been done to help us understand our hardwiring. This book manages to be emotionally integrated whilst offering great ideas that are applicable for maintaining energy levels, keeping a positive view, and well, I need to read it again because every chapter had me writing down quotes in my journal, and I actually own this book - or our charter school does or something. Anyway I have access to it. 

Rob Bell: the Bible book - This is part of an ongoing quest to decipher what I think about the Bible and how to reconcile my upbringing with my current beliefs. I have an allegiance to Jesus and God, but definitely some doubts about how to interpret the Bible and a deep skepticism towards anyone who claims to be able to interpret it too confidently. This book pretty much echoed many of my sentiments. Some of his guidance towards how to read the Bible were deeply resonating. I can ask questions about the author, author's perspective, cultural context, and and be able to absorb the mystical complexity of humanity's quest to understand God and God's revelation to humans. I can remain open to things that I don't understand like blood sacrifice and was Jesus really divine?

DE Stevenson - My friend introduced me to this 20th century British author and I love her works! I have read maybe 4 of her novels I think this year. Her most famous novel Mrs. Buncle was actually my least favorite. I will keep requesting her books from the library. Charming and easy to read but also full of beauty and truly complex characters that one can relate to. Complex must be the word of my day because I notice I keep using it. Embrace the Complexity

Through the Narrow Gate - Karen Armstrong - Interesting memoir about a woman who entered a convent in England during the 1960s. She didn't stay, but her tale is personal and honest  - respectful and fascinating. 

Tribe - Sebastian Junger - Nonfiction - what we're missing in modern life - the continuity of tribe - one of the factors that makes reintegration so difficult for military personnel - not only the recovery from trauma and violence but how do you do life without your band of "bros" - and sistahs too 'course. I'd never really heard anybody talk about how apparently people who have experienced deep periods of crisis and the most abject forms of war - often report feeling happier during those times. There's something incredibly bonding about hardship and struggle. The ways that we've insulated ourselves from it (some of us) have not necessarily led to more personal fulfillment and contentment. This gave me pause. I looked back on some of my favorite moments in my life and they all involved some sort of a challenging circumstance which felt that there were elements of risk and discomfort and where I was doing it with a group of people. Camaraderie was at its height: cattle work - esp on horseback, mission trips, and the trenches of young motherhood.

He also touched on the defection of European settlers to indigenous groups and how many of them had no wish to return to "civilized" society presumably because of the way of life and freedoms they enjoyed. 

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak - Daughter read this to me. Poignant and very unique. Whole story written in perspective of the grim reaper. That's definitely a creative idea. I found it to be a bit laborious, the artsy language a bit tiresome, and in general I try to avoid any stories about WWII because they're so sad and because the whole topic is so exhausted - a tear jerker for sure. She sobbed but I, the misty eyed pincushion - did not - I hadn't really allowed myself to get too attached to the characters because she had forewarned me about all the deaths - and the because of the aforementioned reasons. 

The Crown - series - Amazing - just started it - beyond my expectations for sure. 

Madam Secretary - I slogged out of this in the middle but then it picked up steam again towards the end of the series. Excellent - incredible acting, directing, and dialogue. Gave me a perspective on the reality of politics vs my naïve idealism. I totally idolize M Sec in this - she's winsome and assertive - boss babe without being annoying and domineering. I adore her. I love her relationship with her husband and how they process their lives together. I actually changed my political party from libertarian to Republican because of this show - not because they're Republican leaning - I would say quite the opposite -but because this show made me realize that I'm probably not even in the game unless you're on one of the actual teams that's playing. The other teams are outside the stadium just trying to get in. 

Ishi - in Two Worlds - biography by Theodora Kreober. Documents her husband's work with Ishi who had apparently wandered in from the wild and spent the last few years of his life as a subject of study for some anthropologists in San Francisco. He was more than that to them it seems. They tried to be genuine friends and felt they were. 

 

He was reputably the last know member of the Yahi Native American tribe. He had been discovered in 1911 and eventually died of Tuberculosis. This biography tapts into journals, records, and the author's own remembrances about Ishi. It was published in 1961.