A brave, funny, insightful memoir precipitating a ramble - Deborah Jackson Taffa's Whiskey Tender

 

This was a chance encounter. I was browsing on my free library app Libby for available audio books. 

Native American history, literature, culture has been one of my main interests over the past few years. 

In fact, I recently watched Dark Winds and Flybread Face and Me both directed by Billy Luther, a fact which I hadn't realized until after I had watched both.

This memoir fit really well with those shows/movie as much of her early life was spent in Navajo country in Farmington New Mexico although she herself is of the Quechan (Yuma) Nation and Laguna Pueblo peoples. She was born on the reservation in Yuma. She currently is the director of the MFA in Creative Writing Program at the Institute of American Indian Arts (IAIA) in Santa Fe. (rad job btw!)

This memoir explores her journey of identity as a person of "mixed ancestry" living amongst both whites, non natives, and in the midst of the more populous Navajo nation. The story is a gripping tale of her close knit family. One of a series of sisters, their parents worked diligently to give them a life that was not as marked by poverty as their own had been. This path led them away from their place of origin and to a life of walking the line between honoring the past and the traditions of their ancestors and trying to create a comfortable reality in the present which meant at times suppressing cultural identity.

I'm reticent to create any parallels to my own life, but I've been recently reflected on the power of identity. Most people want to feel part of something larger than themselves and as our society has expanded through industrialization and global commerce, I think the cost has been the sense of continuity that humans experienced throughout much of their history with a sense of family/tribe.

People try to re-create it and simulate it through other forms of belonging, but I feel the simulation falls short of what there is a visceral longing for. 

Sometimes we are raised to strongly identify with something and then there comes a point when that identity doesn't serve but actually hinders us from evolving and adapting to the present. I grew up strongly identifying as a rancher, but my life took a turn that didn't involve me being a rancher. I can talk about a strong cultural affiliation, but that is all it is. It doesn't matter than my family heritage extends back on three sides in that subculture all the way to the 1800s, It is not the reality of my present or likely future. So, I can imagine a little tiny bity - the pull of a heritage (referring to the book) that extends back not 100 years but hundreds or thousands and is both cultural and ethnic and how difficult it is to both honor and yet integrate into the ever pressing pull of present exigencies. My family and extended family is extremely tight- knit, supportive, and clannish and I feel so grateful for the security that has afforded me my whole life. 

The story was both interesting and personal. I got the sense that Deborah is an HSP so I definitely related to her on that level. She seems like a natural harmonizer who thought deeply about things and worked at both pleasing and being authentic which speaking from experience is kind of an ordeal.

There was a part that really stood out to me. I jotted part of it down hurriedly in the kitchen one day (Due to my full time work schedule my book listens happen in snatches while I'm cleaning up the kitchen at 6 am, on my commutes, or on my 30 min lunch breaks.) I think she was exploring her tribal history, traditions, rituals, healing medicines, ceremonies etc in order to try to feel connected to her roots and people and to discover her place in the world. At one point it's like she had an epiphany where she realized that that was all well and good but what she needed to internalize were the edicts. This is all I got down "I vowed to focus on their edicts." How I interpreted this and applied to myself is the following: You can't really re-create the past because all of those things that I listed, beautiful as they are, were part of their time- what was needed for the time, made sense, and served. I can do them now, but perhaps it is more important for me to discover the rituals, ceremonies, art and nature connection that will serve me now. Somehow I can honor even preserve ancient traditions, whilst still being open to creating new ones and being part of the constant evolution that is life itself.

I tend to elevate, romanticize, and be nostalgic about the past: my childhood, my ancestors, times gone by when I like to think that life was more natural or vibrant. Sometimes I fall prey to melancholy, wistful longing, and regret for what I have no power to re-incarnate or create. I guess what I'm saying and why I jotted this down is because I don't want to live there any more. I heard her say that she wants to take the spirit of her people and their edicts into her life. I want to do the same. I want to own and speak my values and try to integrate them into my life now. It feels hard to infuse a suburban existence with some color sometimes, but the reality is wherever I lived on the space/time continuum, I have to acknowledge that I might be having the same struggle. Perhaps creating life moment by moment, being awake to the beauty of what is evolving spiritually, emotionally, and our part in the greater cosmos can be as epic as we frame it.

 

SENSE OF WONDER by Rachel Carson

 "A child's world is fresh new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life..."

Source: Book Club

One of the titles on our mutual reading list with my fellow book club member. 

Delightful read! It was originally written as an article. 

I didn't realize how short it was because I checked it out on my library audio app and listened it. When it finished, I was startled, thinking I had accidentally only heard an excerpt, but no! 

Rachel Carson was both a scientist and writer. She was born in 1907 and the book was originally published in 1956. The article is inspired by her forays into nature with her grand nephew whom she eventually adopted. 

I then checked out the actual book from the library which included photographs by Williams Neill. (the photograph above is one of Neill's. I just found out he had made his home at Yosemite. Interesting as I just returned last weekend from a 2 night visit to Yosemite with my sister. It was my second time there.)

So some thoughts... Well, each entry is artfully crafted kind of like a journal but also like a poem. She talks about different experiences in nature throughout the seasons, ever conveying the way in which she experiences such scenes afresh as she introduces her nephew to their glories.

I've always been a parishioner of a sort of nature cult. Not sure if it was my early immersion in nature - for which I'm eternally grateful both due to circumstance and the adults who were willing/able to be guides. I have some scientists and naturalists in my genealogy on my Scot side - the MacMillans - keen observers and documenters of the natural world. 

Anyway nature is a deep rooted value of mine and when we were raising our girls, I considered excursions into nature as one of the highest priorities for their education. 

In book club discussion, we talked about nature experiences from childhood as well as with children. I loved hearing about the various experiences from mossy corners of backyards to Yosemite with grandfathers. It was a very poignant discussion. 

Carson really inspired me to be attune not only to the sights but to what is afforded the other senses. Prior to book club, I had been on a walk at our river preserve and I was especially attentive to the smells and sounds - the tangy river/sage, sound of the quail, honking geese on their journey far above.

One of the things I liked about this is that the setting is the east coast so the descriptions are very different from the world we live in here California and the southwest. We had had a rainless spell lasting multiple months (common for our summers) so reading about wet verdant places was very refreshing. Her entries about a solitary Maine ecosystem reminded me of LM Montgomery's nature passages. 

An offensive blight to romance [Review of Happiness for Beginners]

 I wrote this in 2023 but never published it because it sounds so mean spirited and snarky. It's like looking into my snobby soul but as I was re-reading it it made me laugh - so here you go world. Be advised, don't read this if you're a nice person which I only pretend to be apparently.

You really want Helen with and H to find herself and emerge victorious with a grounded center and vision for her life. You are misled to believe that it will be humorous, poignant, and romantic. wrong wrong wrong.

In the first 3/4 of the film you are mystified with Jake's fascination and obvious pursuit of Helen. Firstly, her oblivion. Jake appears in every scene (mysteriously and rather stalkerishly) staring at her moonstruck. Such oblivion guides natural selection and prunes the race of man. Somewhere along the hike, he gives her a note - which she doesn't even bother to read and forgets about? Until she gets home and discovers that it's a gorgeous love poem. Still after putting some pieces together she passively does nothing until Jake just happens to appear (again) and then as if she's a Victorian woman with zero agency she responds finally to his love and it seems like you should be happy and feel that was the outcome you were looking for instead you are dismayed by their lack of chemistry and left pondering about his interest at all until you put the pieces together.

Helen - just seems like a pent up grouchy wallflower with a pathetic rescue bent so Jake's (charming, smart, charismatic, and handsome) obvious pursuit even when she is downright rude - right away screams "Made by women for grouchy pent up wallflower women." You really want to see past the grouchy dull exterior to the endearing Helen that her brother and Jake seem to see but she really never emerges. 

Helen, who can't escape from being the rescuer and does she learn to do that on her hike? no.

Helen is so annoying on the hike at the beginning. The perfect combination of that person who wants to do everything right, be prepared, and is worried about everything but ignores basic common sense and becomes a burden. 

The cusp of my annoyance. Finally towards the end of a hike, Helen and Jake have a tender moment and finally Jake's pursuit of Helen makes sense. (to me) He reveals that he has degenerative blindness. Helen is finally kind and sympathetic for the first time. Makes sense (she can fall back into her rescue trope.) In fact, the only time Helen shines in this whole movie is when she has to rescue and help someone (fellow hiker who broke leg) - revealing that Helen's only purpose is her ability to be a guardian and caretake for others. This is the beginning of happiness? Jake could have the cute and fun adventurous twenty something but would she take care of him when he was blind? Maybe not. Helen, on the other hand, middle aged, boring, fish eyed, and predictable - yes! Makes total sense - Jake is a winner on the natural selection tree and Helen perhaps too - not because of any romance between them but just because of his raw innate survival instincts and her inability to resist helping someone. 

I think this is what really bugged me. I really wanted to believe that there would be a romantic something between the protagonists even though it was increasingly difficult to imagine. Then, the writers thought - aha - no natural chemistry - we'll create a scenario where he needs her so much - she can be his older sister/caretaker and that will satisfy our female audience? blech

Here's Helen's story - messy break up with loser husband - rebound to younger brother's friend who needs a caretaker. If you're looking for a romantic escape story, look no further! The sad thing - is that this probably resembles many real life stories and that's exactly what we don't want in a cinematic experience. We don't want to be reminded of the myriad practical reasons why couples end up together that have nothing to do with romance.