They Meet at Last - She encounters Faulkner

 Title: The Unvanquished

Author: William Faulkner

Source: Grandma Rose's eclectic book collection passed on to me because she enjoyed it recently

Faulkner resides securely in my mind with other well known authors who default into the category (in my mind) of "familiarity breeds contempt." Often referenced, and ruined perchance for me by being unhappily pieced together into an American Lit anthology which I perused to pass a quiz whilst taking too many units a semester. 

This happened to me with Dickens; only because my mom was such a passionate devotee. I, absorbed a familiarity by proxy that somehow removed all desire to read the works for myself. Or maybe it was my portrayal of Scrooge in our family's Christmas Play - adapted and directed by my talented and charismatic mother when I was 11 years old (complete with dry ice to accompany the ghosts of Christmas pasts.) I humbly confess that it was a brilliant performance and should have hinted to an acting career if right time and place had permitted? The oil derrick hills of western Kern County are not the spawn of great connections for acting (apart from my mom's christmas plays? which far transcended any provincialism that surrounded us.)

Late but perhaps just when I was ready, (she begins to trust destiny at last,) she encounters Faulkner. (not an excerpt) but a complete novel. I just read that some contest the "novelneess" of his novel; it being apparently a series of short stories.)

It reads to me like a sort of stream of consciousness form of storytelling. I didn't find it easy to follow, but I will say I was bewitched by the characters and the spirit of southern pride and rebellion that seemed to resonate from deep within my ancestral strain. In the quagmire of the story, there is brotherhood that transcends race, malevolent racism that is part of the social construct, valour and pride that is not kind, the travesty of war and its bitter repercussions, also the addictive quixotic call of warfare and battle, (this is seen in Drusilla and John Sartoris when they return from battle.)

Defending one's family honor was definitely one of the highest values conveyed in this tale. Narrated, in the first person, Bayard Sartoris has to dig deep to muster up moxy that would match that of his renowned and gutsy pater.  His resilience and courage seem tenuous compared to his brother in arms Ringo whom he admits is more intelligent and seemingly capable (exhibited in his shrewd partnership with Granny in the enterprise of re-selling mules to the very Yankees whom they once belonged to. Ringo is destined to be his status inferior, being black, yet Faulkner has no qualms in conferring on him a powerful quality. The boys had grown up together, played together, slept in the same room, fates intertwined...

Maybe I like Faulkner so much because he's ahead of his time. He's no pawn of hierarchy. Granny is one of the more iconic characters in the story along with young cousin Drusilla who manages to be romantic, alluring, and tomboyish - riding off to battle and demanding to fight in John Sartoris' troop until the end of the war. The author implies that the impending election drew her attention far more than her mother's orchestration of her marriage to John Sartoris (the widowed husband of her cousin.) She had (after all) presumably shared a tent with him for two years across the battlefields of dixie. Drusilla claimed they were laser focused on the war.... yet... After her marriage, she also passionately elicits a kiss from young Bayard whilst married to his father; walking a tightrope of southern aristocracy and yet courting the risk that she was missing from the battlefield? 

I always admired Bayard's determination, but I felt worried for him, like I felt for Dickens' characters. I felt they were vulnerable somehow, sensitive souls. The women felt solid; wild and intrepid somehow. He satisfies his family honor and avenges his father's death, just enough? but not enough to please her of the verbena "filling the room, the dusk, the evening with that odor which she said you could smell along above the smell of horses." Drusilla wore verbena in her hair to overshadow the smell of battle, sweat, unwashed bodies. In the end, she departed before he returned from his duel. Was she disappointed that he had only wounded his adversary instead of killing him? Was she avoiding the complexity of her attraction to her dead husband's son? 

Sartoris.... I'm obsessed with that last name. Bayard Sartoris. Ok. Faulkner. You got me. It's been a long time coming...

Educated by Tara Westover

I can't let myself start another book until I finish reflecting on the three I just finished.... I'm contemplating banning myself from ordering more books from the library until I finish the ones I have on my bookshelf awaiting to be read.... hmmm/ So, pump it out. (Very un tao)

 

Title: Educated

Author: Tara Westover

Publication date: 2018

Format: library e book on kindle

Source: book club read for 2026 recommended by a member

When I read books on Kindle and/or audio from my Library app, I return them right after I finish. I can't really flip through the pages to reflect on what I've read as easily which makes it a bit difficult sometimes to recall certain key standouts. 

I remember feeling that the first chapters felt very magical and descriptive (even though there was a tone of sadness which is overarching throughout the whole book even though the reader doesn't yet realize how dark the narrative will get later on in the story.)

This is a memoir about the author's childhood growing up on in rural Idaho. Her father (parents) might be considered extreme Mormon fundamentalist survivalist types. She was born in 1986. For the most part she and her siblings never attended public school, had formal government documentation, or did conventional doctoring. 

This in and of itself might be considered shocking to some. Not to me so much. I grew up in some ways very similarly to Tara - thankfully minus mental illness, cruelty, and such extreme isolation; but in other ways, I could imagine her life perhaps much better than some others. 

My family was self employed like her. We relied on each other for our primary source of socialization. This was a very positive experience for me (sadly unlike the author.) Also in common - Tara had certain natural elements in her home landscape that were anchors of identity in her mind and story. She frequently references the mountain "Buck's Peak" and a rock formation known as "The Indian Princess." I related to that a lot. I felt that key nature images of my home landscape were as much a part of me almost as my family members: the rock formation we called "the Monkey Face", the canyon to the southwest we called "the Reyes", and many other trees, canyons, streams, and so forth which were contexts in which my imagination flourished as a child. (I was in a safe environment where nature explorations were not where I went to hide (although maybe some of that) but were encouraged as part of  learning, play, and work.) 

Like Tara, my Dad maintained a stretch of our phone line when I was a kid meaning that when there was a storm, it didn't work for awhile. We had a generator for power and also used kerosene lamps sometimes. We homeschooled (although not for our entire education) and were involved with helping with the family business. Like many rural westerners, we maintained a healthy cynicism about anything government related and tended to rely more on ourselves and/or other community members rather than professional or government support. We also were conservative religiously and held to fundamentalist beliefs in many ways. 

That's pretty much where the resemblance ends. As the story progresses, Tara slowly reveals the deep dysfunction, fear, illness, and disconnect that characterized her childhood in many ways. Her story is very sad and there are deeply disturbing parts. I kind of felt like sometimes when you see something horrible on the news and you are repelled but you can't take your eyes off the screen because you're so morbidly curious. There are episodes of physical and psychological cruelty, but it is also a tribute to human tenacity and her spirit shines through as she overcomes many obstacles in order to go away to college, become a scholar, and eventually forge a new life. 

I think one of the most interesting parts of the story is how Tara had to re-invent herself as a young adult. I can kind of relate to that in that when you grow up in a rural lifestyle, there is kind of a learning curve to normal suburban or urban life that is very different. Things like going to the doctor or figuring out how to travel, what to wear, and also filling in cultural gaps that might exist (in her case because of not studying history) (in both of ours not having television). 

I think as a reader, parent, daughter, one of the most painful parts of the story are her repeated attempts to reconcile with her parents and assist her siblings. It shows how deep-rooted is the desire to have an intact relationship with our tribe no matter how far we physically and spiritually move away from them. Just as a literary aside, I sometimes felt that the voice was very distant and numb in the recounting. Not sure if I'm just intuiting a survival mechanism employed by the author in the process of which she endured which leaked over into her storytelling. Not sure.  

Sharing this story must have taken a lot of courage and I hope that in sharing, she has found healing and also a community of people who might also discover needed solace and connection. 

Genius, Fascinating, Riveting, Mind-Blowing Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

 

Title: Mating in Captivity

Author: Esther Perel

Published: 2006

Version: Audio book read by the Author

Source: I think Esther Perel was referenced in another book I was reading but I can't remember which one (an anthropology book?) I read one of her other books and have listened to her podcasts. 

This is one of my book club's 2026 reads (I'm ahead kind of on accident - it popped up on my library app)

Genius, fascinating, riveting, mind blowing. 

This book has been around a minute. It's 2026 and I'm just discovering Esther Perel (within the past few years). She's amazing! I realize that I'm prone to gushing but she is so gushworthy. Let me just begin with this blurb from the book description which says so much.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel explores the paradox of maintaining sexual desire in long-term, committed relationships, arguing that domesticity and intimacy can stifle lust, which thrives on mystery and individuality.

It doesn't take a Sherlock to figure out why this book might not have been circulating in the arenas I traveled in. If you want to read something about sexuality that offers a multi-cultural global perspective and plenty of real life examples from Perel's work as a therapist, you will love this! Esther's insights are  compassionate, novel, sensible, and sensual all at the same time. 

I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't find this topic at least mildly interesting. I think one her primary offerings lies in challenging cultural biases, assumptions, traditions and in offering language to talk about this topic. One might assume that our culture is overly saturated with sex, but Perel really highlights the extremely polarizing views that Americans (United Statesians) have about sexuality. She explores this through sharing stories of her many clients/patients as she helps them unpack their deep seated beliefs about sexuality and particularly as it applies to committed relationships. She points out that it's surprisingly difficult sometimes to discuss fears, desires, dreams, and even erotic fantasies with one's own partner but again and again she emphasizes the importance of doing so - with care. She is not  an advocate of "tell all" or that self revelation is always kind or helpful. I appreciate this. She emphasizes communication and exploration but also the importance of individuality as a catalyst for eroticism. 

What I greatly appreciate is that this is not a reductive formulaic self help book in any way shape or form. It's more like an anthropology book that acknowledges the nuances and complexities of sexuality and offers mind blowing ideas and ways to think differently about it. She honors the huge value that stable relationships have to families and societies and I think her work is very pivotal in building a vision for coupledom that can take pressure off of the highly romanticized version of modern partnership that can be deeply disillusioning and crumbles under the weight of heavy expectation.

She is truly a brilliant writer as well as thinker. Gush Gush. I know. Her multi-cultural experiences and background add a rich and unique layer to her research and case studies (in the trenches) therapeutic practice. 

Woman conquers "The Way" one book at a time The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff

 

Source: library ( It was recommended by google to learn about Taoism)

Publication date: 1982

Title: The Tao of Pooh

Author: Benjamin Hoff

I discovered this book through some research I was doing on Daoism. This is part of a curious quest I've been on re: how people (of various cultures) view God and if they believe in God (s) whether or not they think God is personal. 

I know very little about eastern religions/philosophies. I have assumptions and ideas I have absorbed in a general sense but that's about it. 

I see why the author chose to take a well known and well loved western figure in children's literature and point out his characteristics that align with Taoism. From the author's forward: "That was when I began to get an idea; to write a book that explained the principles of Taoism through Winnie-the-Pooh.." 

The author explains that Taoism is infused with lightness and humor so I can see how this idea formulated. The author integrates core principles of Taoism with celebrated Pooh stories. (I kind of skimmed over the stories - and just focused on the applications) As I sped read through this and made some bullet point notes on my phone. I thought how very "western" of me, trying to extract the main points as quickly as possible so I can go on to to cramming my body home or brain with the next item that I "need" to purchase, eat, or learn. (that's not entirely true but sort of .)

Nonetheless. What a great reminder of some unhelpful things I've been aware of trying to shed for some time and some touchpoints on how to embrace a different way of being. *It's extremely difficult to unlearn principles and patterns that have been handed down through generations and perhaps genetically honed into my DNA. I won't ask that of myself too much because that wouldn't be "the way." Yet, much to ponder...

"Daoism" - "Taoism" - synonyms? AI SAYS 

"Tao" and "Dao" are the same word and concept, representing the fundamental "Way" or path in Chinese philosophy/religion (道). The difference is merely in the romanization system used: "Tao" is from the older Wade-Giles system, while "Dao" is from the modern Pinyin system. Both refer to the nameless, eternal source of all existence. 

 "the Way." I love that. Bear with my notes; ("bear" - ha no pun intended.)

• He does a cool section in the beginning where he breaks down three main eastern perspectives/ religions/philosophies?: Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism which is very helpful for a beginner.

• work with the harmony and balance and "laws" that exist in the universe, nature, and within yourself. (shout out to Parker Palmer)

• Don't strive or force (this was my MO see Zona early adult life)

• process not destination only

• humor and lightness and ease ( I love it when my youtube yoga teacher reminds us "with ease" - it makes me aware of random tension that I'm holding in trying to force a pose.
• Believe in your inner power (wow!)

• He has this little rant that I totally relate to about cultures that are into "forcing" and "imposing" not to name names but cough "puritans" and "pioneers." It's in a section about "Bisy Backson - I think a reference to a Pooh story? Anypooh, I like this little satire he does of Americans (westerners?) It's a caricature of someone who is always in a hurry, exercising with a capital E, and then he has this little bit "For a Reward perhaps Our Bisy Backson religions, sciences, and business ethics have tried their hardest to convince us there is a Great Reward waiting for us somewhere, and that what we have to do is spend our lives working like lunatics to catch up with it." and "After two or three centuries of pushing, pushing, and pushing the once fertile earth, and a few years of depleting its energy still further with synthetic stimulants, we have apples that taste like cardboard, oranges that taste like tennis balls, and pears that taste like sweetened styrofoam, all products of soil that is not allowed to relax. "

• He kind of does little playful jabs at Confucianism I noticed that bro! Ever once in a while he throws in the word confuse but with a capital C. I can't help but think he's alluding to something...

• cultivate wisdom, happiness, and courage - happiness has been kind of a dirty word amongst modern psychologists because the pursuit of happiness often leaves people unhappy. But I think I get where he's coming from here. It's kind of like stop choosing to focus on pain and striving and allow happiness in (With ease.)

• enjoy sensual experiences instead of trying to catalog them or capture them for the future. (uses the example of birdsong "What bird is that?" etc. It's amazing how difficult it is to just experience something lovely with presence and simplicity) Like for example how while I was reading this book I was thinking and taking notes the whole time and intruding on my husband's quiet time by reading him excerpts. 

I feel like the author is a kindred spirit. Kind of a quirky sensitive soul? 

An Inside look at the therapeutic relationship Maybe you Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Maybe you Should Talk to Someone 

A Therapist, her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Lori Gottlieb

source: Libby app on Kindle

I found this memoir to be endearing, charming, and actually riveting. It kind of reminds me of my girl Liz. (Gilbert author of Eat, Pray, Love) in the style and in her humor. 

Reading this made me feel like I was having coffee with a best girlfriend and she was sharing funny anecdotes about her own life (and if a therapist could disclose info about her therapy sessions) which she does with caution (see initial disclaimer about her process in carefully selecting stories for this book.) Lori talks about her own life: from her decision to conceive a child by selecting a sperm donor, her sudden breakup with a fiancee, her early adulthood career explorations, and her quirky therapist who helped her through her grief. She offers snapshots of her work with several clients: a short-tempered tv producer who lost a child, a woman navigating cancer, and an older woman deciding if she wants to continue to live. The chapters kind of bounce back and forth between all these different stories which was pretty fun actually. 

There's nothing that fascinates me more than human beings which is I've concluded why I've always loved books, literature, analyzing myself, my family, history, anthropology, and of course psychology!

I've also experienced therapy (although not much.) I found it very fascinating to read this book which clues you in to the way a therapist thinks, the processes, some of the patterns that occur. It kind of reminded me of my years as a massage therapist in that you try to be really present with your client, and make sure that you're making the session about them (ie not talking about yourself too much or usually talking at all, steering conversations away from oneself, sharing personal information that might detract from the therapeutic relationship.) Also, it reminded me of how a one hour therapy session (massage or in this case psychology) can feel like a magical time capsule where you're in a liminal space that's not work, family, or some other compartment. If done well, it can feel liberating to take breaks from the roles that enjoyable as they are, can be taxing. 

Lori is extremely wise, so wise! Oh, can I say it's definitely also a midlife re-alignment book, because duh all the wisdom we older women accrue through all these bumps, bruises, and stuuufffff.... So I related to her in that sense. Also she had a circuitous route to her eventual career choice and reading that also connected with me. She was a journalist, a medical school student, eventually a psychologist, and still a writer, and not least of all a mother. 

She touches on the artistic process and how for her, it needed to be authentic and not just something that would sell or "make sense." 

There were a lot of moments in the book, where I would feel like "yes!" that resonates so deeply. One was when she talks about the hierarchy of pain and how it isn't really helpful. I actually undermine my own grief and pain constantly by comparing it to what I think are greater degrees of suffering and pain than what I experience. 

"Lori emphasizes that "there is no hierarchy of pain," meaning suffering should not be ranked or compared because it is not a contest. She argues that minimizing one's own, or others', emotional pain is destructive, as everyone’s experiences are valid and worthy of compassion. 

West with the Night by Beryl Markham

 

She was the first person to fly solo, non-stop across the Atlantic from Britain to North America. (1936)

Book Club read - Our fist book of 2026.

She's a total stud. 

This is a memoir about her flight but actually more about her child hood and young adult hood growing up in a very rural part of east Africa (now Kenya.)

She's an excellent writer. 

Her free-range and unorthodox childhood was a breeding ground for her to live an original life. She helped her father train racehorses, hunted with the locals, tussled with a lion once and portrays it all charmingly. 

Her father moved to South America when she was a teenager and she decided to stay in Africa, striking it out on her own as a horse trainer. 

She eventually met a pilot who taught her to fly and she became a professional independently contracted commercial flier in Africa. 

There are some personal details omitted (relationship stuff) and it focuses more on her adventures, flying, horses, and the characters surrounding these endeavors. 

I would love to know more about the other stuff, but it was a very interesting and original read. 

Eager to discuss it at book club Sunday!

Bloody Long Narrative Drains the Life out of Listener- Dracula by Bram Stoker

 

This book is nearly driving me to madness. No wonder it captured the interest of posterity though. 

A little backdrop from my childhood:

When I was four, I was staying with a relative who let me stay up late at night and watch Dracula. I was a very sensitive child who rarely watched tv at all so this made a huge impression on me. I remember being terrified of bats flying into my window. To this day, I remember the images of those black and white figures from the (1931) version?? 

Now, after I finish reading this, (currently 80% through) I must prepare myself to watch the movie for the first time since I was four years old. Will its hold over me be amplified or dispelled? 

I'll let you know. 

We Open: (Spoiler Alert)

The novel started out strong with a riveting opening recounting the tale of Jonathon Harker's visit to Transylvania as a guest and solicitor to the mysterious Count Dracula told through the medium of his journal.

This audio book has two readers; a male and female and they are truly amazing; fine reading and even different voices and accents for the different speakers.  (Duke Classics audio book version - there are several)

This is where I rant for a second:

Dr. Van Helsing's long monologues began to wear on me in the next portion of the book which takes place in England. He was tending poor sick Lucy who had a penchant for sleep walking to the graveyard where a tall dark figure was found "bending over her neck," I couldn't wait for her to either convalesce or perish as quickly as possible. Firstly, her sickly sweet Victorian female persona was more than mildly annoying. 

It's a book of its time; as the ladies are always being gently shafted out of anything interesting, are more virtuous than angels and are never even for a second brought down from their lofty pedestals to anything resembling normal human behavior. Seriously, vampire Lucy had a lot more personality than her human predecessor; it was almost a shame that she had to have a stake driven through her heart by her poor ex fiancée who also kind of suffers from one dimensionality. 

I'm not even finished with the book and I really don't know the plot so I'm committed to finishing it so I can watch the movie (s). I just had to rant about it a little bit to get it off my chest. 

The author also likes to ramble along a bit too much into side characters who have little to do with the main story line. 

I'm a sad person of my time who just is in a hurry and wants people to cut to the chase just a little bit more. I'm usually nicer to authors who are still living sorry Bram; if you're reading this from the hereafter; I'm sure you understand my perspective. I've never once fainted because of being shocked by something someone said so...

Hysterical Victorian Women

Ok; one more thing. The "guys" form a vampire hunting guild and have all these secret meetings and stakeouts that would be "ever so much for poor Mina" so they leave her alone at night in her bedroom....

Excellent idea guys.  Guys who does visit her while you're out "working?" The man who harnesses the mist and flows through cracks in doors, materializing to mesmerize and bite. She doesn't want to say anything about her "strange" dreams because it might worry them? They don't do any serious inquiry about her strange onset of paleness and fatigue that poor Lucy suffered from and "died" from like last week?? Oh by the way have we noticed that her teeth are getting sharper? Best not speak of it; she might faint. 

Also bro doesn't put it together that his mental patient Renfield is obsessed with bats, blood, and has a "lord and master?" hmmm. Could these things be connected somehow? 

If Van Helsing would do less talking and hinting around the subject and more fact connecting... well.... the story could be less tortuous and shorter.... Also Mina might not have Count Dracula attached to her slender virtuous Victorian neck. 

Human History of Vampires

I'm no connoisseur of things horror, gothic etc. I'm not versed on this stuff; but a cursory plunge in google has informed me that legends of blood sucking monsters are rife in ancient folklore from multiple civilizations, people groups, and different continents.

 I watched Twilight so I know Bella did her research. I'm a sucker for unrequited love y'all. Bram was doing his research and he claimed that his story had a solid foundation in true events. Ooh that's spooky.

Addendum. Last night I watched the 1958 version with Christopher Lee The Horror of Dracula. Many claim it is the best most accurate version. While some of the facts were different, I liked it a lot. It was a little suspenseful but not too scary. It captures the essence of the prominent characters and the basic plotline. Plus my daughter and I died laughing watching Christopher Lee scamper up the stairs with his long legs two at a time. I honestly don't know why we found this so hilarious, but we watched it at least 3 times. 

Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez

 

I read this on my kindle app.

My favorite thing about this read was that the author writes as if she were talking to you while she's doing your hair and you feel like you're her best friend. 

She's a great storyteller and this is a fascinating tale about how she started out as an emergency relief worker and ended up in Afghanistan starting a non profit Beauty School for women entrepreneurs. 

There are lots of anecdotes and interesting cultural experiences. I know very little about the culture so reading about some of their customs as well as the many different people groups/ethnicities/ that exist within the country was eye-opening. 

I see that she has several other books out there and I added one to my list. 

One thing that really stands out is her fearlessness. A lot of people prize personal safety above all else. She went boldly and relied on her wits and ability to connect with people and I really admire that. You could say that there were multiple points where her life was unstable and seemed on the verge of extreme calamity - yet there she is "in the arena" as Teddy Roosevelt memorialized and Brene Brown has expanded on. 

Her life is full of color, adventure and yes peril! Very different from how my life feels currently, but very much how I imagined my life would be when I was younger.

Maybe soon Deborah 

Nemonte Nenquimo's Memoir We Will be Jaguars

 

A kindle read from the library.

Nemonte is a Waorani woman. See bio below from:   Amazon Frontlines

"Nemonte Nenquimo is a Waorani woman, mother, and climate leader, who has dedicated her life to the defense of Indigenous ancestral territory and cultural survival in the Amazon rainforest. She is the co-founder of Ceibo Alliance and Amazon Frontlines, and has won the prestigious Goldman Environmental Prize."

When I was a kid growing up in an enclave of evangelicalism, some of our heroes were Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. Jim Elliot and Nate Saint were killed in an attempt to evangelize indigenous people in Ecuador (the Waorani people then known as "Auca.")  Elisabeth Elliot and Nate Saint's sister Rachel (featured in this memoir) returned to the area to try to establish influence with the Waorani. 

Although I believe that the evangelizers were trying their best to follow an ideology that they had persuaded themselves to believe and were themselves a victim of (I understand I was there), it's heartbreaking to read firsthand about how such doctrines negatively impacted others and how the Waorani people were abused and manipulated by people who hoped to "save them" or exploit the resources on their lands. 

Nemonte emerges from oppression and seeks to integrate her own cultural identity with the one that has been imposed on her by outside forces. She is broken by abuse at the hand of "missionaries" and by the messages that she had deeply internalized that would lead her to believe that she and her people were "less than." As the story continues, she discovers healing and succeeds in forging a new life that embraces progress while maintaining an allegiance to deep cultural values and practices. 

The reader is taken on a quest with Nemonte who finds her voice, her unique role as a unifier of her people, activist, dreamer, partner, and mother. She reclaims the beauty of her heritage and unites her family and the greater community to defend their lands against those that would seek to harvest and destroy. 

On a personal level, as someone who has recently emerged from religion and cast aside doctrines that I had long found distasteful but now openly disbelieve, I found myself identifying with certain parts of her story when as a child, she continually prayed to God "the white man's God" hoping for some kind of supernatural experience that never happened. What she did experience were dreams, visions, and symbolic messages linked to her heritage that served as guides. You can call this god or not, I'm not sure what it is, but to me, it solidifies my position that there are many different ways of tuning into the mystical. The minute that one person claims that one way is superior to another, or that the experience that they have had is somehow something that everyone needs to have, is where I walk away. I'm more than saturated with that attitude. 

As strange as it may be for some, the deep indoctrination that all other mystical experiences (outside of a certain Christian one) should be viewed with skepticism and mistrust and are likely demonic, is hard to shed. I really enjoy being able to read, watch, listen to the stories and art of others without the fear of being "tainted" or worse falling under the influence of the devil. 

Thank you Nemonte for being courageous and sharing this fascinating story. 

A descriptive Novel narrated by Tom Hanks The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

 

Audio read discovered on my library app "Libby."

Best thing about this book: narrated by Tom Hanks. He did a fabulous job. 

It was fairly interesting. I think what stood out the most was the relationship of the protagonist with his sister. They were kind of "us against the world." 

Their mom was a mysterious woman who apparently had once held aspirations to be a nun. She was drawn to charity work like a moth to a flame and once they moved into the gargantuan, demonstrative "Dutch House" that her husband had purchased secretly as a surprise, she became increasingly unhappy.

She moved out when her youngest son was still small and virtually disappeared. 

Maeve (the sister featured on the cover in a painting) developed severe diabetes.

The maid and nanny was relied upon by their eccentric successful father for more than just housekeeping and childcare. 

Eventually he remarries an ambitious women named Andrea who is an exacting stepmother who loves the Dutch House. 

When the father dies unexpectedly, Andrea kicks both children out permanently. They move into together but over the course of their adult lives, find themselves creeping back to observe the Dutch House from afar. 

The book centers around the concept that the house has some kind of mysterious pull for them with a mixture of unhappy and happy memories. 

Danny (the speaker) goes on to marry and despite going to medical school at his siter's insistence, ends up in real estate which is is his passion that was passed down from his father. Their mother re-emerges later in the story and there is a reconciliation of sorts. In a twist of events, the mother ends up a caretaker for Andrea in the Dutch house (which she had once despised). The mother discovers that she is needed and Andrea relies on her. 

The story ends with Danny's daughter May purchasing the house bringing everything full circle. 

Perfection Salad by Laura Shapiro

 

Perfection Salad - Laura Shapiro

Book Club read recommended by a member

Part of a throng of research projects that emerged in the early seventies when women began doing doctoral research.  The book highlights key women of influence in the United States (particularly New England) who led the charge in creating cooking schools, industrializing and streamlining the kitchen, established standards of measurement, as well as promoting quality control, safety, and nutritional awareness. 

The book discusses different waves of the movement from the mid 1800s up until the early to mid 1900s.  

She also talks about trends and public perceptions that influenced women. For example it was very popular in the 1800s for women to be "dainty." This led to women believing that they should eat very little, and when they did it should be in the form of "dainty" carb like things ie toast, wafers, tiny sandwiches etc. Meat and hearty dishes were considered more appropriate for men. This led to many women being undernourished and having anemia even. 

She also discusses the spiritualization of homemaking that transpired in the United States during the Victorian era. This was the idea that the woman was the spiritual heart and spiritual leader of the home. By maintaining order and creating domestic tranquility, training up the children etc. this was considered to be an end unto itself - a lofty goal and task that only a woman could achieve.  Through throwing herself into this work, she was truly a missionary in her home and then this could seep out beyond to include the community at large. Cooking and cleaning were thus glorified to fulfill a high and noble calling and it was approached with due seriousness. 

In our book club meeting we talked about feminism, its waves, and also the counter revolutions that followed. We see this today -with women identifying with traditional ideas of wife/motherhood. We talked about our own ancestors and the ways in which they viewed cooking and domesticity. Was it something to be accomplished in order to get on to something else or was it more? 

Views of food: In my family there was a saying "Eat to live, not live to eat." I think it's a very industrialized notion of food as a source of energy so you can go out and do more work. I noted that this is a a very different approach from the Italian family I married into. In Italian culture, how you prepare food, the ingredients you use, when you eat, in what order, at what time are all very important to them. (Not to mention the relative tastiness of the food.) 

I always enjoy pondering food processes of other times and places because they were so labor intensive. People at the turn of the century celebrated the newfangled notion of "processed foods." Our relationship with processed foods has become increasingly complex and I think most people rely on them but view the relationship dubiously. Our connection to the sources of food (for most US dwellers) is pretty remote. Most of our food travels through multiple entities before it reaches our plates or greasy paper bags. 

This book offers interesting insights into the evolution of that process and how industrialization affected the way cook, eat, and think about food and those who prepare it. 

My Girl Liz

 Liz Gilbert captured me with her famous memoir Eat Pray Love which I read years ago when I was living in London. I've written about two of her other books on this blog: Big Magic, and The Last American Man. It's safe to say I'm a gushy fangirl. In fact, I think I've read all of her books. She's brilliant, funny, authentic, candid, confident yet vulnerable. 

Stern Men was first published in 2000, so an earlier work in her book career. I tend to like her nonfiction more than fiction. This story is inspired by actual lobster fishing communities but is an entirely fictional narrative. It was definitely enjoyable and having grown up in a resource based industry (agriculture) I'm always fascinated to delve into other types of livelihoods imaginatively that source an existence from the earth itself. 

One of my takeaways was just really internalizing how difficult life can be and how that difficulty can bring or bear with it a deal of harshness. Those who have to physically work very hard to earn a livelihood particularly as independent business people carve a mold that is very familiar to me. Collaboration and dependence are viewed with unease. Competition can be fierce. Bullshit is not tolerated. Nepotism and succession matters weave a complex web into the mix. Creativity gives an edge over sheer muscle. It's a journey into a microcosm that casts light on the entirety of the human story. 

I got the kindle app again! I had it then I didn't. I'm not sure why I thought it no longer existed for a time. I dunno. Anyway, I was waiting for this one to come out. All right; I confess, I was curious to hear about Liz's lesbian affair. I'm being honest. I think most of us are a little prone to morbid curiosity, the kind that makes you prick up your ears and lean in when someone mentions some juicy gossip. 

But I knew it would be so much - so much more than just a let me tell my story, because it's Liz! I knew it would be hard packed with spirituality, in-depth processing, discovery, humor, anecdotes, and Liz does not disappoint in All the Way to the River. 

I would definitely put it in the mid life re-alignment zone. Perfect for any anonymous people who may be in that zone. Near that zone, having had been in that zone, probably will continue to be in that zone, forever - another decade?

It's about her love story with Rayya, but it's also about addiction and recovery. I have a second hand relationship with recovery. Not because I probably don't need the rooms. I believe we all do on some spectrum or another. I have a friend who has told me all about recovery. I can't speak about it for myself, but I'm familiar with the language and the concepts and I deeply admire the work that is done for and with people and the support they receive. 

Reading Liz's nonfiction is like speaking with a friend. She oozes familiarity and ease in her tone and I get super drawn in and not bored. Def recommend for anyone who wants to hear a powerful story and is interested in the topics of intimacy, co-dependency, and recovery. 

One thing that surprised me was how much she talks about God. "Is the Universe good, bad, or indifferent?" While she doesn't attempt to directly answer this question, she implies that she believes there is a God or force who cares and can be appealed to, spoken to, and who offers direction. 

This led me to ponder where I'm at with this. Over the past few years I had arrived at an experimental plateau of neutrality about this topic. I definitely believe all religions are invented by humans, but as to God.... not sure. Is there a God, are they a distant or personal God, are they malicious, benign, or loving. (if loving, I concluded they don't love the creatures on earth to have a comfortable physical existence.) Liz witnessed her friend go through unspeakable pain, yet she walked away with an openness to embracing the God of her understanding. 

My intellect allows me to experiment with prayer, because why not? It feels good to pray for people. (even if I think of it more as loving meditation and imparting positive energy). It feels great to surrender my fears to a higher power. It feels comfortable to ask for a sign or a sense of direction (as long as I'm not putting my logic, common sense, and instincts in the trunk of the car.) I think I needed Liz's book to remind me that there is potential richness in embracing the God of my understanding (or at least experimenting with it.)

If some fundie tells me that "the god of my understanding is not valid" here's what I would say: "If God wants to impart to me a clear picture of who they are and what I should think about them or do for them" it needs to be very clear and that should be easy for GOD. And by easy I don't mean an ancient manuscript written in another language. 

ooh I squeezed in a mini rant.

I jumped on here to add something for myself. I realized that the thing from this book that seems to be hitting me the most isn't even what I wrote about so far here. It's the codependency thing. It's the constant pull to over function in many relationships. To not know where I end and others begin. To take responsibility for things that are not mine. My reading of this book is not going to halt a pattern of people pleasing that began when I was like 3 years old, but it is helping me to raise my awareness around this topic, this pull, shining light of intentionality on this dance that is relationships. 

Pathological Skimmer soothed by meditative audio book where every word is read

Anne Hillerman -Bestselling Mystery Author

(one of her books below that I recently audio read) 

 https://www.annehillerman.com/

I recently discovered the new free library app "Libby." I used something similar years ago called "Overdrive." I didn't really think I liked mysteries all that much. I thought I left them behind with Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys which I did read my fair share of back in the halls of Maricopa Elementary School.  

Through exploring what genres work for me to listen to in short bits (commute of 15 mins and 30 min lunch breaks, while folding laundry, working in kitchen) I've been finding that these mysteries are ideal. 

I previously mentioned that I had watched the new series Dark Winds so when I happened upon this book series which is the basis for the storyline of the show, it was perfect. I'm obsessed with the four corners region and the author sprinkles in plenty of landscape lore (just for me I presume.)

Anne Hillerman created a spin-off series from her Dad Tony Hillerman's detective novels set in the Navajo nation.

Have I shared in these rooms that I'm a pathological skimmer? It's an atrocious habit that became deeply cemented during my English Majorhood at college where I took too many classes at once, and opted for insane History  and Bible classes as electives because I'm an unabashed geek.  (also extremely religious back then which only added to my general lack of frivolity.)

I arrogantly presume to be equipped to extract the succulent marrow of a work without taking the time to read each word. (I often miss really juicy bits this way.) One might reasonably ask how does a skimmer select which words to actually read and which to skip? I'm not entirely sure on this count. It's an intuitive process that cannot be explained, nor shall I try. But if I get bored I start to skim... And I get bored very easily - and it gets worse as I get older, not better. 

 Or I value my time more, not sure. Sidenote - I tried to wrap some gifts for Christmas last night. I tried to force myself to cut the wrapping paper in a straight line, to actually care about how the package looked. I'm telling you, it was extraordinarily difficult. It felt like a major waste of time and it wasn't like I had anything else pressing to do. But suddenly, I was giving myself some kind of a pep talk about why this was important. Why was it important you might ask? Because my daughter asked me to wrap gifts in actual paper, instead of jamming them into used creased Christmas bags like I usually do. (However, she said nothing about appearance of said gifts!) And I love my daughter so there. 

All this to say, audio books can't really be skimmed. So I actually am "reading" the entire book and by that I mean every word. All the thes and the prepositions and articles. ALL.. Except for the bits that get drowned out by noisy clanking dishes when I'm in the kitchen or if I get interrupted by people whose monologues cannot be skimmed through (politely) anyway. I have found that you can only ask a given person to "cut to the chase" so many times without them completely rejecting your company. I myself am guilty of rambling monologues at times. I am a verbal processor after all. (we noticed.)

A brave, funny, insightful memoir precipitating a ramble - Deborah Jackson Taffa's Whiskey Tender

 

This was a chance encounter. I was browsing on my free library app Libby for available audio books. 

Native American history, literature, culture has been one of my main interests over the past few years. 

In fact, I recently watched Dark Winds and Flybread Face and Me both directed by Billy Luther, a fact which I hadn't realized until after I had watched both.

This memoir fit really well with those shows/movie as much of her early life was spent in Navajo country in Farmington New Mexico although she herself is of the Quechan (Yuma) Nation and Laguna Pueblo peoples. She was born on the reservation in Yuma. She currently is the director of the MFA in Creative Writing Program at the Institute of American Indian Arts (IAIA) in Santa Fe. (rad job btw!)

This memoir explores her journey of identity as a person of "mixed ancestry" living amongst both whites, non natives, and in the midst of the more populous Navajo nation. The story is a gripping tale of her close knit family. One of a series of sisters, their parents worked diligently to give them a life that was not as marked by poverty as their own had been. This path led them away from their place of origin and to a life of walking the line between honoring the past and the traditions of their ancestors and trying to create a comfortable reality in the present which meant at times suppressing cultural identity.

I'm reticent to create any parallels to my own life, but I've been recently reflected on the power of identity. Most people want to feel part of something larger than themselves and as our society has expanded through industrialization and global commerce, I think the cost has been the sense of continuity that humans experienced throughout much of their history with a sense of family/tribe.

People try to re-create it and simulate it through other forms of belonging, but I feel the simulation falls short of what there is a visceral longing for. 

Sometimes we are raised to strongly identify with something and then there comes a point when that identity doesn't serve but actually hinders us from evolving and adapting to the present. I grew up strongly identifying as a rancher, but my life took a turn that didn't involve me being a rancher. I can talk about a strong cultural affiliation, but that is all it is. It doesn't matter than my family heritage extends back on three sides in that subculture all the way to the 1800s, It is not the reality of my present or likely future. So, I can imagine a little tiny bity - the pull of a heritage (referring to the book) that extends back not 100 years but hundreds or thousands and is both cultural and ethnic and how difficult it is to both honor and yet integrate into the ever pressing pull of present exigencies. My family and extended family is extremely tight- knit, supportive, and clannish and I feel so grateful for the security that has afforded me my whole life. 

The story was both interesting and personal. I got the sense that Deborah is an HSP so I definitely related to her on that level. She seems like a natural harmonizer who thought deeply about things and worked at both pleasing and being authentic which speaking from experience is kind of an ordeal.

There was a part that really stood out to me. I jotted part of it down hurriedly in the kitchen one day (Due to my full time work schedule my book listens happen in snatches while I'm cleaning up the kitchen at 6 am, on my commutes, or on my 30 min lunch breaks.) I think she was exploring her tribal history, traditions, rituals, healing medicines, ceremonies etc in order to try to feel connected to her roots and people and to discover her place in the world. At one point it's like she had an epiphany where she realized that that was all well and good but what she needed to internalize were the edicts. This is all I got down "I vowed to focus on their edicts." How I interpreted this and applied to myself is the following: You can't really re-create the past because all of those things that I listed, beautiful as they are, were part of their time- what was needed for the time, made sense, and served. I can do them now, but perhaps it is more important for me to discover the rituals, ceremonies, art and nature connection that will serve me now. Somehow I can honor even preserve ancient traditions, whilst still being open to creating new ones and being part of the constant evolution that is life itself.

I tend to elevate, romanticize, and be nostalgic about the past: my childhood, my ancestors, times gone by when I like to think that life was more natural or vibrant. Sometimes I fall prey to melancholy, wistful longing, and regret for what I have no power to re-incarnate or create. I guess what I'm saying and why I jotted this down is because I don't want to live there any more. I heard her say that she wants to take the spirit of her people and their edicts into her life. I want to do the same. I want to own and speak my values and try to integrate them into my life now. It feels hard to infuse a suburban existence with some color sometimes, but the reality is wherever I lived on the space/time continuum, I have to acknowledge that I might be having the same struggle. Perhaps creating life moment by moment, being awake to the beauty of what is evolving spiritually, emotionally, and our part in the greater cosmos can be as epic as we frame it.

 

SENSE OF WONDER by Rachel Carson

 "A child's world is fresh new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children I should ask that her gift to each child be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life..."

Source: Book Club

One of the titles on our mutual reading list with my fellow book club member. 

Delightful read! It was originally written as an article. 

I didn't realize how short it was because I checked it out on my library audio app and listened it. When it finished, I was startled, thinking I had accidentally only heard an excerpt, but no! 

Rachel Carson was both a scientist and writer. She was born in 1907 and the book was originally published in 1956. The article is inspired by her forays into nature with her grand nephew whom she eventually adopted. 

I then checked out the actual book from the library which included photographs by Williams Neill. (the photograph above is one of Neill's. I just found out he had made his home at Yosemite. Interesting as I just returned last weekend from a 2 night visit to Yosemite with my sister. It was my second time there.)

So some thoughts... Well, each entry is artfully crafted kind of like a journal but also like a poem. She talks about different experiences in nature throughout the seasons, ever conveying the way in which she experiences such scenes afresh as she introduces her nephew to their glories.

I've always been a parishioner of a sort of nature cult. Not sure if it was my early immersion in nature - for which I'm eternally grateful both due to circumstance and the adults who were willing/able to be guides. I have some scientists and naturalists in my genealogy on my Scot side - the MacMillans - keen observers and documenters of the natural world. 

Anyway nature is a deep rooted value of mine and when we were raising our girls, I considered excursions into nature as one of the highest priorities for their education. 

In book club discussion, we talked about nature experiences from childhood as well as with children. I loved hearing about the various experiences from mossy corners of backyards to Yosemite with grandfathers. It was a very poignant discussion. 

Carson really inspired me to be attune not only to the sights but to what is afforded the other senses. Prior to book club, I had been on a walk at our river preserve and I was especially attentive to the smells and sounds - the tangy river/sage, sound of the quail, honking geese on their journey far above.

One of the things I liked about this is that the setting is the east coast so the descriptions are very different from the world we live in here California and the southwest. We had had a rainless spell lasting multiple months (common for our summers) so reading about wet verdant places was very refreshing. Her entries about a solitary Maine ecosystem reminded me of LM Montgomery's nature passages. 

An offensive blight to romance [Review of Happiness for Beginners]

 I wrote this in 2023 but never published it because it sounds so mean spirited and snarky. It's like looking into my snobby soul but as I was re-reading it it made me laugh - so here you go world. Be advised, don't read this if you're a nice person which I only pretend to be apparently.

You really want Helen with and H to find herself and emerge victorious with a grounded center and vision for her life. You are misled to believe that it will be humorous, poignant, and romantic. wrong wrong wrong.

In the first 3/4 of the film you are mystified with Jake's fascination and obvious pursuit of Helen. Firstly, her oblivion. Jake appears in every scene (mysteriously and rather stalkerishly) staring at her moonstruck. Such oblivion guides natural selection and prunes the race of man. Somewhere along the hike, he gives her a note - which she doesn't even bother to read and forgets about? Until she gets home and discovers that it's a gorgeous love poem. Still after putting some pieces together she passively does nothing until Jake just happens to appear (again) and then as if she's a Victorian woman with zero agency she responds finally to his love and it seems like you should be happy and feel that was the outcome you were looking for instead you are dismayed by their lack of chemistry and left pondering about his interest at all until you put the pieces together.

Helen - just seems like a pent up grouchy wallflower with a pathetic rescue bent so Jake's (charming, smart, charismatic, and handsome) obvious pursuit even when she is downright rude - right away screams "Made by women for grouchy pent up wallflower women." You really want to see past the grouchy dull exterior to the endearing Helen that her brother and Jake seem to see but she really never emerges. 

Helen, who can't escape from being the rescuer and does she learn to do that on her hike? no.

Helen is so annoying on the hike at the beginning. The perfect combination of that person who wants to do everything right, be prepared, and is worried about everything but ignores basic common sense and becomes a burden. 

The cusp of my annoyance. Finally towards the end of a hike, Helen and Jake have a tender moment and finally Jake's pursuit of Helen makes sense. (to me) He reveals that he has degenerative blindness. Helen is finally kind and sympathetic for the first time. Makes sense (she can fall back into her rescue trope.) In fact, the only time Helen shines in this whole movie is when she has to rescue and help someone (fellow hiker who broke leg) - revealing that Helen's only purpose is her ability to be a guardian and caretake for others. This is the beginning of happiness? Jake could have the cute and fun adventurous twenty something but would she take care of him when he was blind? Maybe not. Helen, on the other hand, middle aged, boring, fish eyed, and predictable - yes! Makes total sense - Jake is a winner on the natural selection tree and Helen perhaps too - not because of any romance between them but just because of his raw innate survival instincts and her inability to resist helping someone. 

I think this is what really bugged me. I really wanted to believe that there would be a romantic something between the protagonists even though it was increasingly difficult to imagine. Then, the writers thought - aha - no natural chemistry - we'll create a scenario where he needs her so much - she can be his older sister/caretaker and that will satisfy our female audience? blech

Here's Helen's story - messy break up with loser husband - rebound to younger brother's friend who needs a caretaker. If you're looking for a romantic escape story, look no further! The sad thing - is that this probably resembles many real life stories and that's exactly what we don't want in a cinematic experience. We don't want to be reminded of the myriad practical reasons why couples end up together that have nothing to do with romance. 

   

Marriage, a History by Stephanie Coontz

 

This is one of my book club reads nominated by a founding member. This was an awesome read. I love anthropology and sociology because it's looking at a vast cross section of humans and asking questions like, in this case: how can marriage be defined?

The answer is vastly more complex than one would imagine and so varied across time and place that coming up with a cohesive definition is nigh impossible. Here are a couple of attempts she references "commonly stable, mated relationships between males and females" which exists pretty universally except in one instance "the Na" people who raised offspring in extended family groups and apparently didn't or don't have a recognizable marriage institution. Another definition: "the set of legal rules that govern how goods, titles, and social status are handed down from generation to generation."

The author walks us through the centuries - starting out with broad strokes across the globe and then migrating more to decade based deductions from marriage studies (mostly in the US) from the last century. (the book was published in 2005). There are so many fascinating aspects to how marriage is organized and what it has meant. Is it about division of labor, shared resources, influential connections? Or is it the passing on of lands and titles, and resources? ...and all of these are true to a greater degree or another. Also interesting in how involved the extended family or community has been in the selection of spouses and in the actual lives of the couple. In most times and places spouses were integrated into existing extended family households or tribes where the concept of privacy for the nuclear family or couple would have been a foreign notion.

 What is, according to the author, unique to recent history (the past 200 years) is the concept and expectation that marriage should be about companionship, love, and emotional intimacy. An expectation that she argues has led to a greater degree of marital satisfaction and quality than ever before but also has facilitated a greater fragility as people readily discard the institution if it fails to pony up the desired results. 

The industrial revolution, feminism, ready access to birth control and other factors have radically altered the way in which societies are organized and has had deep ramifications for how marriage is viewed and what it means. We're in a particularly interesting time now as marriage (as she points out in the conclusion) at least in this part of the world is usually totally optional and relationships are more customized than ever before to the whims of the individual. That being said, she proposes that marriage still "gives people a positive vocabulary and a public image that set a high standard for the couples behavior and for the respect that outsiders ought to give to their relationship."

I think there may be something to that. Just like everything for many of us, the vast array of options and choices can be exhilarating but also paralyzing. It's tempting to hearken back to a time when expectations, roles, and institutions were more static. I grew up with a higher degree of focus on traditional marriage values, division of labor between genders (apparently than many of my contemporaries), but at the same time was encouraged to be independent and assertive as well. I think it's normal for people to have to navigate mixed messages and try to integrate them into their adult lives. 

It was interesting to reflect on the fact that I entered marriage expecting it to look like "male breadwinner model" - a term Coontz considers to be a modern concept that never existed say for example in the middle ages where most women worked in cottage industries or farms alongside their spouses. I also (like most modern people) had extremely high "romantic" standards of what kind of companionship we would enjoy in our marriage (ie that marriage is the most important and central relationship of your life) - again not something that has been universally true in other times and places. For example, in the middle east where parental and sibling relationships might be much more emphasized in terms of closeness.) The expectation that marriage will be a built in friendship that will satisfy all emotional, sexual, and economic needs puts a huge degree of pressure on the marriage relationship that is definitely not always positive.