Gritty Memoir

 

Was thinking about the PCT because I chatted with some hikers near Kernville a few weekends ago. I love hiking and the PCT is kind of a tantalizing dream of mine.

I had heard about this book some years back and had started the audio version but never finished. I read the e book version through overdrive. The author is poignant, personal, honest, and has plenty of dry humor which I appreciated. 

I admire her grit in taking on this challenge alone. It sounds like it was a healing and truly wild journey for her. 

Luck or the law of attraction is a thing - are you a believer?

 

I'm still trying to remember how I got my hands on this book! I thought my friend Emilee gave it to me for Christmas, but she didn't remember it.

Anyway, I read it very slowly in the mornings over this busy Spring and so I think the best way to make an account of it as I sit here procrastinating on other "admin" projects is to list the chapter titles.

1. The element - what it means to find your thing, your passion, your zone, 

2. Think differently - break out of the bonds of societal and traditional school emphases

3. Beyond Imagining - imagine it and do it!

4. In the zone - what can you lose yourself in?

5. finding your tribe - it's not just what you want to do, but who you want to be with.

 - he gives lots of good examples- Meg Ryan in this chapter! Love her.

6. What will they think? Let go of people pleasing

7. Do you feel lucky? - basically the attraction principle - the power of positive thinking - abundance mentality - serendipity - also known as luck - but it has to do with your posture and openness

8. Somebody help me - find a mentor

9. Is it too late - you're not too old to find your element - this is getting closer to home, ouch

10. For love or money - your "element" doesn't have to support you financially

that's what Liz Gilbert says in Big Magic too!

11. Making the grade - changing how we think about education - preaching to the choir! 

Cynthia Ann and Quanah - you don't want to miss them

Source: My daughters and I went to Barnes and Noble where I got stuck in the Native American section. There are no chairs in there now, to discourage lingering in light of Covid I suppose. I ended up lingering on the floor next to this section. I took pictures of interesting looking books and then I checked this one out at the library. 

It was well worth it. Plus, it coincided nicely with Blood Brothers about Cochise - neighboring tribes and similar time period - civil war, pre, and post. These are Comanches, that one was a fictional account but centered on Cochise and the apaches.

Like the Apaches, the Comanches were loosely aligned small tribal groups. There numbers were not expansive even prior to the slaughtering of their buffalo and encroachment and seizure on their ancestral lands. This was partially due to the rigorous horseback lifestyle that made childbearing a challenge. They were the quintessential nomadic hunter-gatherers. They did no farming and moved about every three weeks. I already knew about how the Comanches had mastered horsemanship like no other, having learned from the Spaniards who initially introduced horses to North America. Horses transformed a once incongruous and marginalized tribe into the most powerful and warlike plains people of North America. 

Into this world, Cynthia Ann Parker was inducted at age nine after being taken in a raid on a fort. Her pioneering family: who became prominent Texans, the Parkers, naively left their base camp and fort unprotected and many people were killed and children and one woman abducted. Cynthia Ann, like other young children was eventually adopted into the tribe, married a powerful chief, and bore children. She completely immersed herself in the culture and rejected multiple attempts to be reunited with anglo culture. Finally, after a massive battle she was forcibly taken by whites and returned to her relatives along with her small daughter. She was forced to leave behind her two sons, one of which Quanah - protagonist of this non fiction story and eventual warrior, leader, and reservation politician in later years. Cynthia Ann never assimilated back into anglo world. She continually tried to run away, she was paraded like a circus animal, and died at a heartbreakingly young age, never able to return to her heart tribe and sons. Their way of life was coming to an end.

Another interesting figure of this book was a small in stature Texas Ranger Jack Hays who would go on to revolutionize warfare in the west. He commanded a daring band of border ruffians and trained them to live and fight like Comanches. They eventually got their hands on and helped adapt what would be known as the Walker Colt - the first repeating revolver. Prior to this, the typical easterner with his one long rifle stood little chance against a fearless Comanche who rode at a full gallop with at least 6 weapons to hand. 

The other interesting thing - a portion about the pensive leader Mackenzie who always downplayed his heroism and role so much that few people knew about his merit as a commander and fighter until after his death. The part about Quanah Parker was fascinating. He was a true pragmatist. Once he realized the warrior and buffalo days were over, he embraced the anglo life and became a leader of his people uniting them in a completely novel way and calling himself the first Comanche Chief - he would also be the last.

He cleverly managed to make money on cattle despite the Indian Agency's corruption and the absolute ineptitude of the federal government to reasonably handle or understand the natives. He became friends with his once foe Mackenzie and learned from him. He built an imposing house for his many wives and children and never turned anyone away from his table. He was known for his generosity and lobbied the government for fair treatment. 

Sadly, he died fairly young but left an interesting legacy. 

 

 

Cochise and Tom Jeffers

Source: my grandma

This is a historical novel portraying the relationship between Cochise and Tom Jeffers. It was really well done. I love this book.

Perhaps the creative license with Jeffers' romantic liaisons was a little mushy (little is known of Jeffers romantic relationships and he never officially married) and his depiction of Indian life might be idealized, but all in all it seems to be historically accurate and is thoughtfully and powerfully written.

The saga of white relations with native tribes is painful. The main idea is that a noble individual can rise above the stereotypes and errors of their own race or group and through embracing truth and honor can overcome cross cultural barriers to unite in friendship. 

There is a kind of mysticism that pervades this book. This is one of the reasons why I enjoyed it so much. There is more than just a retelling of events. The book captures the mystical tie that both of these individuals had for the land itself and eventually for one another. 

They faced criticism from their own groups and persecution from without. They held onto a creed that was deep within. As a recovering people pleaser, this profoundly inspires me. 

Like studying the tribal groups of the Eurasian steppes and other groups who lived and thrived in seemingly hostile terrain, the apaches are fascinating. They achieved a mastery over their own bodies that to our times seems supernatural. They had rigid rules of conduct which helped them to remain united and function as a unit. Their leadership was a combination of hereditary but strength based and based on tanistry like in Scotland: 

    "Sometimes the king’s son became tanist, but not because the system of primogeniture was in any way recognized. Indeed, the only principle adopted was that the dignity of chieftainship should descend to the eldest and most worthy of the same blood, who well could be a brother, nephew, or cousin. This system of succession left the headship open to the ambitious and was a frequent source of strife both within families and between clans." https://www.britannica.com/topic/tanistry

Unlike in England where the oldest son inherited, even if he was a raging idiotic lunatic, this system took note of heredity but was largely based on battle prowess and leadership qualities. 

 

Mindset - not just for "Go-Getters"

                                                 

source: sister and bro

I feel like self help books are often written by Type A go-getters. Except for the more new age ones perhaps like Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. 

This is no exception.

However, there are some great takeaways even for your less industrious type who wants to pay for wi-fi but maybe not become a CEO. This book fleshes out growth mindset and how it plays out in many arenas: business, sports, parenting, teaching, marriage...

• imploding the idea of "the natural.
• embracing a humble, learning, posture - learning from failure and success
• developing in relationships - the active model - vs. the magical thinking
• teachers and parents - instilling the growth model

I think one of the things I am most aware of is the difficulty I have in asking for feedback and in accepting criticism. I'm kind of hard on myself already and maybe I feel like I'm already doing enough of a good job in being hard on myself so I don't want to ask someone else to be hard on me?

I'm an hsp (highly sensitive person). How this has played out in my life, is that I trained all the people who love me to never criticize me or be harsh to me because the result was me completely melting down. This type of climate doesn't make for the best self development. I wanted to be a natural at everything and so if I wasn't, I tended not to pursue it. If I received criticism, I tended to want to abandon whatever the said pursuit was. Thankfully, we had a family business in cattle ranching where I was subject to some direction and correction (and it wasn't always conveyed in the most diplomatic manner) - which is probably a saving grace for my character development. I couldn't become a complete egg shell wearer. I also wasn't allowed to quit!

I notice that I'm sometimes reluctant to try very hard. This is falling prey to the "if I fail if I haven't tried hard, than I will somehow shield myself from disappointment." My mom once noticed me doing this in a track race while I was cruising the 800 and not really giving it my all. 

I quit volleyball once because the coach critiqued me. I didn't like his personality and I decided that I didn't care about varsity volleyball. 

I've tried to parent with focusing on effort rather than talent. Praising specific achievements rather than general "smartness," "talent," "athleticism," etc. 

I think just generally combating laziness is the kicker. I have had to apply this to using technology- something that once scared me worse than facing a longhorn steer head on. In college I tried to submit my papers hand written - then I finally started typing them up but was still resistant up until getting my first smart phone 5 years after everyone else I knew had one. 

Thankfully I have people in my life who model G.M. and encourage me to move forward and keep learning and growing. I don't want to be entirely left behind!

Scottish woman throws off Victorian shackles

I was surprisingly drawn in by this story. I haven't been that into fiction lately so the fact that I wasn't pushing myself through this book, at least the first half of it anyway, was great!

The story is narrated through journal entries and letters the protagonist writes to her mother in Scotland. We're talking about turn of the century (1900) but the book actually ends up narrating almost her entire adult life but the first half of the book conveys her early adult years and the events that lead her to becoming a permanent expat in Japan.

As a young girl, she becomes engaged to a British military guy and although she has met him at least once, it feels like a mail order bride situation as she is on a boat bound for China accompanied by a strict chaperone. You already see her chafing under the bridle of British customs and expectations as she ventures out on her first independent journey away from the sheltered and very Victorian world of her mother's home. 

She undergoes a series of adventures on her voyage including the death of her reluctant chaperone. She finally arrives in China and wades through troubled waters (already emerging) into marriage with a man who the reader can sense may not be entirely compatible. Her life in China is isolating and boring. She isn't able to do housework as the servants don't like it and her only interaction is with a few other expat women. She does make friends with an influential French couple who take her under their wing. 

She has a baby and along the way meets a seemingly impassive Japanese military guy named Count Kurihama. Turns out he has a sense of humor and they make a connection. During a military siege when her husband is away, she encounters him at his mountain temple whilst on a summer retreat with her French friends. One thing leads to another and she comes home only to discover that she is carrying his child. When her husband returns and finds out, he turns her out and she is denied access to her daughter Jane. As she waits for "deportation" in a hotel, she receives a surprise visitor. Turns out "Kentaro" had been keeping an eye on her in case of such an event. He arranges passage for her to Japan where he houses her with several servants in a cottage. She becomes a "kept" woman, only being visited by him well after her son is born. Her son looks very Japanese. She and Kentaro still have a strong connection, although he has a wife and kids.

One day her son and maid disappear. She soon realizes that Kentaro has arranged this in order to legitimize his son amongst the hierarchy. He was sent to an adopted aristocratic family to take his place amongst the nobility.

She is devastated but feels powerless. She rejects his further financial support and goes out in business on her own, establishing herself as a financial consultant for "western" dress becoming fairly successful. The rest of the book, sort of sums up her mature adult years as she settles herself into society and becomes an independent woman. She never quite ties herself to another man, and comes to understand that Count Kurihama is always looking out for her one way or another. She has several romantic liaisons but never anything that is powerful enough for her to surrender her independence. Her mother never responds to her letters again and her "husband' eventually dies. She has no contact with her daughter until in her later years during World War II writes to her and asks her to come stay with her.

She sees a tennis champion eventually who she suspects is her son. (I find it hard to believe that she was never able to track him down over all the years.)

She purchases a dream property that is eventually devastated by a typhoon but recovers it and expands. Kentaro makes a surprise appearance after the death of his wife and they pick up their romantic attachment for a short time. He proposes, but, when he refuses to allow her to make contact with her son, she turns his proposal down, but implies that he may still visit her. 

The final scene shows her being evacuated from Japan on a ship during WWII. Suddenly a Japanese military commander appears and requests audience. We come to understand that Kentaro has arranged this and it is her son. Finally a reunion! The reunion is shrouded in formality and no outright show of emotion, nonetheless the reader feels a sense of satisfaction and resolution to the separation. 

I felt like I wanted to hate Count Kurihama for the patriarchal nonsense. But I could not. He is portrayed as an honorable man trying to do his duty as best he saw it. He relaxed his views on the role of women in many ways in his relationship to the emancipated protagonist Mary Mclaren. It's almost as if a samurai warrior from the middle ages stepped into a time and place where he didn't belong. I felt the attraction and so did Mary. She never hated him. She understood that he had a role to fill that superseded his own emotions and proclivities. She was attracted by his fierceness as much as she realized it wouldn't work for her as a permanent arrangement. He was drawn to her independence for the same reason.

There are a lot of themes around the topic of feminism that could be explored in this book. Her lack of parental rights - another friend flees Japan because she feels it is the only way she can assert reproductive rights... There is a Japanese woman who is an activist for women but suffers persecution and imprisonment, however Mary feels that since she is wealthy, she has a safety net that allows her take risks and refuse the protection of a man. 

All in all, it was an interesting read and definitely not predictable. 

 

Mysterious Backwoodsman Tai Haruru steals the heart of middle aged Victorian wife

 

I discovered Elizabeth Goudge about thirteen years ago from a friend who loaned me several books. She's amazing! I adore her nature imagery and striking characters. She also does a great job of portraying relational ties that are complex. For example, in this story, (spoiler alert) two sisters are in love with the same man. He has differing types of affection for each and the characters alternate between friendship and other more intense types of connections with others whilst staying true to their marital vows. 

The story takes place in both the channel islands and New Zealand. The male protagonist is a bit of a blunder bust. He reminds me of some Dickens "heroes" who are forever mishandling things and it's infuriating. Because he's so likeable, stronger characters such as his eventual wife Marianne - who's a woman "born out of time" of her Victorian context, and my favorite character Tai Haruru, originally Timothy Haslan in a different life, an an enigmatic adventurer who mentors and befriends the hapless William and directs his enterprises:

"Yet there was one man who seemed to be not quite of this company, though utterly at home in it. He sat opposite William, looking at him with interest. He was silent, yet without movement or speech he dominated the whole room. ....So of the earth was he that he looked more like a tree than a man, one of those tough old pine trees that nothing in the way of weather except a thunderbolt will ever get the better of. he was immensely strong and vigorous. His eyes were dark and somber but as full of vitality as the curly, grizzled hair at his temples. His skin was the color of old oak, so roughened and seamed by exposure to weather that the scar of an old wound that cut across his head and ran down one side of his face was barely noticeable...."

Tai Haruru as he is called by the Maori people ends up being a strategic protector of William but also of Marianne who eventually joins him in New Zealand, leaving behind a sorrowful Marguerite, more of a Diana (Anne of Green Gables) type of person who eventually becomes a nun. The three have a dramatic reconciliation on the islands in their sunset years. (William, Marguerite, and Marianne). Tai is left where he should be left in the wilds of New Zealand where no one knows of his demise or survival. All is shrouded in the mystery akin to that of his past.