EOSTRE a reflection from 2024

 Eostre Weekend (April 1, 2024)

The modern English term Easter developed from the Old English word Ēastre or Ēostre (Old English pronunciation: [ˈæːɑstre, ˈeːostre]), which itself developed prior to 899, originally referring to the name of the Anglo-Saxon goddess Ēostre. -Wikipedia

And then one day, a descendent of the Welsh and Scottish pagans who had been subdued by the Imperialists after centuries of resistance, decided to shed the religion of the oppressors and return to her roots. (except for the overly barbaric ones) Like her Christian counterparts do with the Bible, she will handpick the practices and beliefs that she likes best.  Anything that involves nature things that she likes she will keep, and will heretically toss aside anything too sticky, gory, or unfun especially if they might keep her up past her bedtime.

She looked at the vast ocean. It was Easter morning, but she had forgotten until she received a text. She had noted Good Friday, the day that for years she had sought to approach with dutiful contrition. The day on which she had been taught to be grateful to the one who had born the sins of many and to relive the agony of torture and rejection. The day on which she had once revered a cross, the symbol of God’s wrath and the vehicle to the one path to salvation. 

Now, at age 45, she just feels regretful and angry; angry at all the years spent frenzying herself up into some sort of fervor about something so unclear; the years spent over functioning in a relationship that was so dubious and potentially imaginary.

She ponders what seems to be the true character of God; a god who allows the garage door to come down on an unsuspecting snail just living out their asexual day, which strangely seems to represent the order of the universe - the beauty and the terror of life on earth; the haphazard order marked by moments of transcendent bliss and horrible pain. 

Anthropology tells me that humans need to quest for some kind of meaning, order, hope, or comforting belief. It seems we can’t avoid some sort of search for higher power. I am still no different. The trappings and knowledge of modern life don’t preclude me from the primitive ritual of praying, sometimes in desperation and often in gratitude, the two only truly authentic forms of prayer. Now, I’m just re-framing it and renaming it. 

My daughter and I talked about it on our way home from two rainy but idyllic days car camping in Malibu, Eostre weekend, spent not pinning on an ornament or congregating, but watching the clouds, listening to rain, the ocean, and admiring the variety of plants on the earthen floor, the universal church of mankind, the one thing we can know, the soil beneath our feet. 

Jesus the Apocalypticist among Apocalypticists

AI Overview:

"The apocalyptic era of Judaism, particularly from the Hellenistic period (323-31 BCE) onwards, is characterized by literature and beliefs centered around the imminent end of the world and the belief in a divinely-orchestrated intervention to bring about a new age. This worldview is marked by dualistic thinking, emphasis on heavenly beings, and a focus on the future and the end of times."

I always knew Jesus was an apocalypticist. I never realized that Jesus was an apocalypticist amongst apocalypticists. Say that ten times. 

This is a dang difficult word to spell and spell check thinks it's not a word but the online Oxford dictionary does. 

It wasn't until recent forays into Bart Ehrman's work through his books, podcasts, and blog have I begun to understand more about the historical Jesus and the Jewish apocalyptic movement of the era. 

Not only is Bart Ehrman a great scholar, he has an air of humility, and an endearing way of laughing at his own jokes which I can shamelessly relate to. He's committed to making scholarly research accessible to lay people and I'm mucho appreciato for his efforts in that regard. 

I'm not a Biblical scholar, but I did take a lot of Bible classes in the Christian University that I attended and spent a lot of time reading the Bible between ages 13 and 35 and hearing countless sermons and participating in studies, endlessly analyzing a fascinating ancient text compilation that I now realize I've barely scratched the surface of due to my lack of understanding of the original languages, actual authors, and context. (I was taught the Holy Spirit miraculously teaches you about God through this text yet we have like hundreds of denominations in our land who all think they have the patent on the right interpretation)

I never learned many many many things about the historical context of Jesus and the New Testament. Or maybe I wasn't ready to learn them and for what that learning would bring me to understand and to how that understanding would effect my beliefs and identity. But I digress. 

It is only recently that I have gained an understanding of how apocalyptic beliefs helped Jews reconcile their experience with the predominate underpinning theology of their religion. An over simplistic summary of that belief system would be: obey God and keep his law and commandments and you will prosper and be rescued from your enemies. This was an earthly consequence. If you've ever read what Christians call "the old testament" you will notice that there are rare references to the afterlife and if it is referenced, it is couched in symbolism and fairly vague. The focus is on this life and the tribe and kingdom of Israel as an earthly kingdom. When peoples of the nation of Israel suffered calamites, exile, and domination despite obeying God and trying to follow his commands, the theology began to waiver. It didn't seem to be going as promised. Prosperity and safety were not happening. People were trying to obey and honor God's law even though they were being killed and punished for it. Earthly rescue wasn't happening. 

Instead of abandoning identity and faith - beliefs morphed. Instead of framing it as "God letting his people down, ignoring them, or not existing" people began to teach that the "good times" actually were in the next life. This helpful reframing allowed people to retain hope in trying times by focusing on how God would make all things right in the next life.

And the next life, was "coming soon, very soon." In fact, I now believe when Jesus tells his followers - "Surely this generation will not pass away before...." He meant it literally. Jesus was convinced that the end of the world was going to happen any day. It wasn't a metaphor or a euphemism (even though fundamentalists have tried all kinds of things to explain what Jesus meant by that.) Jesus believed that the world as we know it would end imminently ushering in a reign where God would be king and justice would be administered. 

This doesn't seem earth shattering to anyone familiar with the gospels, Acts, or the epistles. They are all heavily saturated with apocalyptic themes and a tone of urgency. I haven't even mentioned the deeply disturbing, bitterly angry book of Revelations. 

So what? You might well ask. What does this have to do with anything? Jesus the apocalyptic prophet amongst prophets. Although Jesus was no doubt an original thinker, teacher, and healer, he was part of a movement that met the need of his people in their time. I unpack this below. The emphasis is: for his people, in their time, and particularly in their context of undergoing dominion from a conquering nation. The application for people in 1980s and 90s and beyond United States is dubious, other than offering the comforting thought that even though this life is fraught with hardship the next one won't be. Or in giving people an excuse to try less hard to make this life worth living as they meditate on the next and let me not forget to mention that I believe apocalyptic interpretations influence US citizens to take sides in an overseas conflict that likely has nothing to do with them and should be none of their business. 

I can't speak for other people but I can say that a lack of understanding about this has had a fairly deep impact on my life. Trying to "follow" Jesus and apply certain teachings to my life 2000+ years after his mandate to "stand watch" has had some major implications on how I approached life (particularly in early adulthood) and not only the choices but the constantly wrestling with how to integrate these teachings. This sounds like I'm slightly resentful of Jesus which is totally unfair. Jesus the Apocalypticist. (ok I'm addicted to this phrase) 

"Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming" Matthew 24:42. (I'm not even going to speak in this post to the fact that knowing what Jesus said based on the gospels (written decades after his life) is extremely difficult and at best speculative.)

 I'm sure Jesus would not have wanted me to try to live this way thousands of years after the fact that he has since realized along with everyone else (well not everyone) that the end may or may not be imminent. The birds and the flowers may not be worried about what they'll wear or what they'll eat but I have to say for me to spend no time at all thinking about these matters might be considered neglectful. I know pastor it's about worry. 

I think it's fair to say; that we just don't know how imminent the end is. As much as I loved the song as a child "When the roll is called up yonder," I'm less and less sure of what exactly that means. I say certain teachings above because there are certainly some principles purportedly taught by the historical Jesus which I do wish to integrate into my modern day life where I am proud to finally have a 401k (I can't entirely blame Jesus for my delay in starting one but my apocalyptic beliefs combined with a bohemian bent towards hippy abandon probably didn't help.) What do I want to integrate from Jesus? That's another topic for another day. I know what you're thinking. Water into wine. Definitely.

I suspect that I'm not alone in feeling foolish at how earnestly I attempted to integrate apocalyptic beliefs with modern exigencies. Actually I'm quite "het up" about this. If I was to blatantly disregard my self respect and make a checklist of ways that apocalypticism overshadowed my (our) life and here's what it would say;

• heaven and hell (that's all I'm going to say about that right now)
• feeling deeply conflicted about the following: having possessions, making a retirement plan, spending time working (or doing anything) instead of evangelizing, practicing family planning, doing anything recreational, taking time to evaluate what kind of life/career/home/ I/we wanted.  

It felt to me, that focusing too much on any earthly pursuit was a betrayal of the gospel ideal. I realize there are many religious people who manage to enjoy their religion and their life and don't sweat too much about these ideological matters. I'm rather jealous. 

The list above isn't comprehensive but it touches on some key life elements. I think what's most traumatic (and I don't use that word lightly) is the time spent wrestling with how to integrate these ideals and the uneasiness in which we didn't feel we were doing very well at obeying the teacher we were supposedly dedicated to. We also felt that we were falling short at establishing ourselves successfully in our times. (When I say "we" I mean my husband and me and we have talked about this at length.) I hope this makes sense but one more clarifying sentence of the highest order. This landed us in a weird tension where we felt we were half-assing the Jesus way but also not really being very successful humans in 21st century suburban US. ( I know you're thinking this hardly warrants the ward trauma). Ok, low level trauma. The low level kind that has a cumulative effect that makes you feel like you're moving but always with an extra suitcase in each hand that you're trying to figure out what to do with constantly. 

I'm ready to conclude this ramble. Where does it leave me? It leaves me at midlife at the cusp of a new life. A life where I have freedom to think and plan for the future. An existence where I can ponder what makes sense in my time and place and integrate this with the values that I choose to embrace based on many influences. 

I can give my money away or keep it all. This life can matter to me. I can do things that I enjoy even if they seem to have no bearing on a future afterlife existence. If I do a good deed it's because it feels good or because I want to live a meaningful life, not because I hope it gives me a future "crown" or pleases a god from another time and culture. 

Perhaps most epically, I can cease trying so hard to have an explanation for why terrible things happen. I don't have to reconcile views of God from an ancient text with mysterious happenings in our complex world. I can read it like I do every human body of literature, with curiosity and wonder and connection that comes from being fellow humans on a quest for the best life we can muster.

I feel a newfound tranquility and a deep-seated sense of empowerment to choose to live my human life in a decent and satisfying way; no more; no less. This posture doesn't prevent me from being open to revelation. May prophesy, healing, and all things miraculous have their way with me today, in my time. 

https://www.bartehrman.com/

See below quote from Ehrman's blog.

The word comes from the Greek term “apocalypsis,” which means a “revealing” or an “unveiling.”  Jewish apocalypticism was widespread in Jesus’ day: it was a view held by the Pharisees, the Essenes (including the authors and users of the Dead Sea Scrolls), authors of books such as 1 Enoch, 4 Ezra, and 2 Baruch, various “prophets” we know about (named and unnamed), John the Baptist, and many, many others.  These Jews believed the world was controlled for now by forces of evil, but God was soon to re-assert his authority by bringing in a day of judgment in which all that was evil would be destroyed.

see here for the rest of article https://ehrmanblog.org/how-jesus-apocalyptic-teachings-were-changed-even-in-the-nt/

A faded unblooming Orchid person examines The Lady's Handbook for her Mysterious Illness - Sarah Ramey

 source: friend Emilee

Sarah Ramey is a fluid writer and so funny! My favorite memoir style to read and write. A soul sister with an amazing Musician Name: Wolf Larsen.

If you have a distressing but mysterious illness that remains undiagnosed. If you've ever gone to a doctor and said that you know something's wrong with you and had them look at you blankly stating that your bloodwork is fine and that you look fine and maybe you're just getting older... Then you discover that all of your symptoms align with adrenal and cortisol issues and you take sea salt and balance your blood sugar and fill hellava better and wonder why "doctors" don't give credence to this stuff... (true story) You will relate in some level to Sarah Ramey's tale. 

I've had a number of female friends and some male friends and relatives over the years who came to mind as I was reading this. The friend who thought she had MS and then not. My sister in law diagnosed with fibromyalgia and then undiagnosed, who has suffered with chronic body pain for 8 years that remains undiagnosed despite a litany of unconventional and alternative practitioner visits. My brother, who thanks to some high quality care was able to figure out a diagnosis for Myasthenia Gravis. Many of my massage therapy clients who struggled with pain but knew not why.

This is not a formulaic self help book. It's a relatable tale that explores the complexity of health which involves the molecules of our cells and our unique psyches. 

I love psychology so I was leaning into the sections that correlated certain personalities and health issues. The parallels resonate. Is it a coincidence that many of the women I know who have thyroid conditions are HSPs? (including myself) "Highly Sensitive People" 

I'm fully convinced that pathological people pleasers internalize in their bodies the repercussions of the many ways they repress their spirits and mold their beings to conform to the pleasures of those around them or to avoid conflict which is anathema to porous sensitive types. To the extent in which these pin cushions (one of my favorite metaphors for how I feel about myself) learn how to take ownership of their lives, stop asking for approval or avoiding disapproval (more apt), the more they will be able to support their unique health journey.

Sarah references the Orchid Child theory.  "derived from Swedish idiom orkidebarn is the theory that between 15-20 percent of any animal population is genetically more sensitive to the environment than the rest of their species." She does a short analysis of how introverts and artistic types while being more susceptible to harm and weakness are also more prone to produce beauty (orchid) when cultivated in the right environment with the right conditions. 

There's a lot I could say about being an HSP. If you are one, you know what it's like to walk into a room and sense the emotions of everyone present. You know the feeling of having one harsh word or criticism demoralize you to the point of tears. As a young child, I found chastisement so profoundly painful that I made a vow to avoid it - even at great personal cost. These types of vows become deeply internalized habits of life. I became a master at reading authority figures and conforming to whatever they would expect. This kind of behavior is reinforced by constant praise and accolades from adults. I was led to believe that this type of behavior would somehow lead to my becoming a successful adult. I was a successful student but once I had left the fold of institutional education I was pretty clueless. There's lots of reasons for that that layer onto personality that are cultural and religious and genderous (my word) but that's another topic for another day.

The myth that success in school leads to success in life was always implied back in those days. Learning to conform to a group is a good life skill, but constantly squelching your own personality and desires does not lend itself to health, wellbeing, and successful adulting. My peers who acknowledged what they wanted even when it differed from what was touted, had better footing to launch into an adulthood where there is no parent or teacher who gives you a syllabus for life.  

There's a lot I could say about HSP parenting and the pros and cons of a democratic parenting style where authority is held extremely tentatively. I could talk about gravitating to becoming an employee because it feels like the classroom - back where I was successful and approved of. I could mention the prolonged early adulthood years of crippling constipation which I believe stemmed from religious fanaticism and self-imposed repression, but you are spared this. (for now) referencing it is more than sufficient. The point is that personality and psychological state definitely affect our physical well being.

"I discovered a long essay Ane had written for her clients about the Minotaur's labyrinth of medical problems they might be facing as highly sensitive people. It was just like my map and Dr. Hyman's map. It was about dysbiosis, adrenals, inflammation, diet, sensitivity, stress, toxins, nutrients."

Some people feel righteous in their constant pursuit of the right physician or the right treatment. Hoping for a magic bullet that will make the pain go away. Sarah had to grow up and like all of us learn how to integrate authority with her own vision of life. 

I'm thankful for her honest and courageous exploration. 

Listening Valley DE Stevenson

This British Author was introduced to me by my friend Emilee and I adore her. I've read several of her books but can't remember if I've written about her. She kind of reminds me of LM Montgomery although her books are written for adults. They have lots of lovely nature imagery (but not too much.) Her characters are kindred spirits and so relatable despite being set several generations back from me. 

I love the quote from this page of Listening Valley " One need never be dull as long as one has friends to help, gardens to enjoy, and books in the long winter evenings."

This captures the spirit of my vision for 2025 and perhaps my "2nd half of life" in general.

 

Dance of the Tiger by Kurten

 

Dance of the Tiger is a novel by Finnish palaeontologist Björn Kurtén, published in 1978 and English translation in 1980. It is a prehistoric novel dealing with the interaction between Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons. A sequel, Singletusk, published in 1982, continues the story of the family. Wikipedia

Kurten - really knows his stuff so even though it requires a deal of imagination to build a novel around early human interactions with Neanderthals'; it has an archaeological foundation.

I skimmed a lot as I do with most novels anymore. You kind of know where the plot is going and I get impatient in the getting there. I think I am most fascinated with how people re-imagine the social constructs of prehistoric people.

I recently watched the film The Quest for Fire - which has a similar pursuit. A creative attempt to capture prehistorical human culture.  

Excerpt from my Memoir "Vignettes of an Exodus"

I used to idealize colonial America, the founding fathers, Pilgrims and most especially frontierspeople, cowboys, and white pioneers who “came west.” I still like them fine and I like them better than the established old european aristocracy which was so keen on premoginature at the expense of competency, lunacy, and efficacy. However they are no longer my idealized life. 

If I want to escape from the sterility of modern life with its hyper concern for safety, constant communication sources, and profound stability, I like to think about pre-historic, pre-agriculture, indigenous, hunter/gatherer, or tribal life. I realize you can’t lump a bunch of humans into this category and be anthropolgically sound, but for this reflection I can.

I used to romanticize about wearing a sunbonnet and tending a garden. Now, that sounds like drudgery. I want to cherry pick the things from what I fancy Indians did and think about that. I don’t choose to linger on chewing hides to soften them for clothing as Innuit women did. Nor do I want to wallow in buffalo blood as I endlessly tan the hides like my Comanche sister friends. Although I’m not sure how I would feel about these pursuits truly.

I don’t want to plow up the soil of 160 acres but I do want to wander the forests of North America, untouched by chain saws, freeways, and power poles. I want to forage for edible plants, and make my own house. I want dancing to be part of my spirituality. I want animal visions to be messengers of the beyond and to be in tune with every source of my food. I want to apologize to an animal’s spirit before I kill it; knowing that we are intimately connected. I want to drink straight from a spring and I want my cycle to coincide with that of the moon because I’m constantly privy to its light. I want to raise my children with my mother and sisters and look to elders for their wisdom. I want to wait for my man to come back from battle and comfort him with food and my body. 

I don’t want to go to the little red school house. I want the saguaros to be my teacher. I want my book to be the one inscribed by the stars.

Nor do I want to show up at the church steeple where some ideas from a far away land and the knowledge of another tribe have to be my guide. I want to learn from my own people, their stories, and their ways. I want my ideas about God to be something I absorb through watching the owl, navigating the river in a handcrafted vessel, and feeling the electricity of the earth pulsating through my feet. 

I don’t want to live within the wall of a house and have to ever maintain it and keep my children isolated within it. I want to hold my baby when she cries and feed her at will; keeping her close to my body as my instincts dictated; not force her to conform to an arbitrary sleep schedule. That my children could learn from play and play to learn, growing naturally into adulthood in the fold of a family clan. 

I want to harness my intuition to survive instead of going to Target. I want to learn the lore and patterns of creatures that are my foes, friends, and food. This is what I idealize. I dream of fashioning  a weapon that has been perfected slowly and passed down by oral tradition. I want to eat a food that I have intimately handled from start to finish. I want to bathe in the river and follow the chime of the seasons in my habits of life. I want to pick up and move if I need to and be able to assemble my belongings in one day. I want the earth to be my mother. This is what I dream of.

Instinctual Types Morality Shaming

I decided I wanted to learn more about Enneagram Instincts. I've read and studied quite a bit about the Enneagram over the past decade or so, but I haven't focused all that much on the Instincts. I recently discovered a podcast by The Art of Growth.

https://www.theartofgrowth.org/discoveryourtype?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwhIS0BhBqEiwADAUhc21WR5YYhkWss7rd2HqNGN3rt7PFqDwkmIIdsl2zaV2w1NUI7Cg3oRoC3FYQAvD_BwE

I found a season where they are really focusing in on the instincts - perfect.

I'm only halfway through the episode but it's really interested.

The instincts are presented in a way as having developed through our evolutionary biology, all having fundamentally important contributions to human survival. We all possess all three, but just as in the primary nine enneagram types, we will find ourselves dominant in one area. The goal is to bring these instincts up from the lizard brain to a more conscious awareness of how we employ them. Perhaps we need to harness more of one energy that we're not tapping into. This kind of reminds me of a book club I'm doing on the goddess archetypes and the active role we can have in tapping into energies that we need.

Here are the 3 instincts: These are my summary takeaways 

Self Preservation: tuned into comfort, security, rest, well being, resources

Sexual: tuned into risk taking, intense energetic connections with other individuals, attracting and charming others, close merge/bonding, referred to as "one on one" in corporate coaching

Social: tuned into hierarchies, groups, tribal roles, preservation of the group, to be honest, I haven't finished listening to this part!

What was standing out to me is the way that we can tend to morally elevate our own instinct as if it's intrinsically more valuable or better than others. My burning need to write about this is because it's been coming up a lot for me lately. I see how I've been the recipient of this type of shaming and the doler of it. (I mention in my bio that I invent words right?)

As a sexual instinctual type, risk taking is inherently something I both crave and contribute. (*For anyone slightly prudish out there "sexual" refers to one on one connecting energy, not the act of sex or being "sexy.") 

Risk taking is a vital part of my well being and if I don't have it, I begin to get depressed. This is something I'm only just beginning to acknowledge and figure out how to implement in ways that are not harmful, addictive, or toxic. My propensity to seek change, new experiences, new friendships, new groups etc. is something that's often frustrated me about myself and I see that I've been reluctant to accept. I also think it hasn't always met with approval by others and has been difficult to understand. However, I have felt encouraged in this by a few cheerleader people in my life and for them I am immensely grateful. Healthy productive risk taking was a part of my upbringing on a cattle ranch, and I'm so thankful that it was developed within me when I was young. I think it's extremely underdeveloped in most young people in "western culture" in meaningful healthy ways. 

On the flip side, I have experienced (mostly self pres) types giving me some flack for my propensity to want to live in the moment, and unwillingness to focus on things they think I should value more like: coupons, savings account, eating, sleeping, safety, and security. 

In my experience self pres types tend to moralize things like savings and prudence in ways that can make sexual types feel less than or somehow inferior. In the podcast, I love how they highlight how risk taking types might have contributed to the human story by being willing to brave predators and make changes that ended up being vitally important to the survival of the group. Ever since I read Keirsey's amazing book Please Understand Me, about MBTI, I've always embraced the notion of myself as a catalyst personality who tends to stir things up, be big picture thinker, and an agent of change. However, I have also simultaneously experienced type envy where I wished I could be more like the steady beaver types who were really good at routine and structure, and don't seem to mind doing the same things day in and day out. I think I largely disregarded the risk taking part of myself - also because I think it was shoved outside by my role as primary caretaker of my daughters. Now that they're getting older and more independent perhaps my subconscious risk taker self is shouting for more attention.

Some time ago I read something about Tony Robbins Essential human needs (listed below) and I was floored. It fits in so well with the instincts. The one that stood out to me at the time was #2. I felt it validated something deep within myself that was resisting all the incessant voices of safety, comfort, security, social status... Not that there's anything wrong with those things. Just I felt I valued them less than others and I didn't understand why I felt so resistant to it and I resented the implication that somehow focusing on these things has some kind of moral benefit. I want to take a moment to highlight how important it can be to distinguish values from morals. (another topic for another day)

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure

2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

I also have been guilty of feeling superior somehow to others. For example I have a disdain for focusing on micro money. It reminds me of the British elite. I might be completely broke, but I'd rather pretend to be wealthy and generous at all costs. I don't want to haggle. I don't want to have a conversation about how much you spent on lettuce. Sorry. I also may have been guilty of mocking people who are too concerned with comfort and safety. I have pitied them actually - viewing them as people who are perpetually on the sidelines of life, which I'm acknowledging is rude and unfair of myself. 

Worst of all, I probably struggle most with social instinctual types. I may be dead wrong, but somehow I see them as the instigators of heinous social traditions like the tyranny of Mothers Day and incessant birthday festivities. (and may I remind you, these harbingers of social togetherness and groupthink bring up these topics every single year.) But ultimately, I see how these VALUES  of theirs have their place and I want to extend the gracious hand of freedom to those who wish to engage in lots of group activities and traditions at every opportunity. (as long as they don't shame me if I choose not to prioritize those things.) 

When I go on these tirades about Mothers Day and birthdays, I always want to make sure that I always make exceptions to my protest if anyone gives me a gift that includes: wine, coffee, going out to dinner, turquoise jewelry, or an outdoor experience, or a hug, a massage, monetary gifts must be included in this as well. Also please invite me to your party especially if there's Mexican food and alcohol, dancing, and a lovely outdoor setting. (We can't all be consistent all the time.)

I'm curious at the emotions that this has stirred up for me. I'm eager to keep listening to the whole season on the instincts and hopefully I can cultivate more awareness and extend more grace to self and others. I want to challenge myself to tap into and appreciate the strengths and contributions of others that are vitally significant to me and the group.